Where did 5 1/2 months go? And Transitions

Good Evening Minions--I mean readers,

It's nearly time. I have two days left of work, and 3 1/2 days (because airports aren't really being in a country, but really transition hubs) left in Israel. It's strange. I have a lot of emotions about it. I'm ready for the next adventure, and I'm scared because I don't really know what that will be. I'm ready to leave Israel, but I will miss it. I'm ready to see friends and family but I worry about the reverse culture shock.

Things I will miss:

• My coworkers, and the few friends I have made here
• Fresh fruit and veggies (seriously. i had fresh kiwi the other day...it was so good)
• The flowers filling the fields, and random animals around town
• I can't help BUT learn Arabic here
• Falafel and kebab shops. Some of the best/cheapest falafel in the world is in my town. i will be so sad to leave it
• The opportunity to travel internationally (lets face it: unless i decide to work abroad again. Katie is gonna be a po po person)
• Knowing I have a job (I have some possibilities...but most things are in the air). 

Things I am excited for

• UK, Finally seeing St. Andrews, oh and ICELAND
• Being in the same time zone as friends and family. SO SO SO EXCITED
• My parent's wine cellar. 
• My animals
• Ridiculously long and luxurious baths
• Not having to eat meat anymore
•  Visiting friends at WM, USC, and roadtrips in general (i'm looking at you ohio peeps and i have another one for Disney World!)
• My car. Yes I believe in public transportation. But I look forward to my reunion with George (my car)
• My room. And not living out of a suitcase
• Buying a new computer
• Reconnecting with my Jewish community
• Moving onto my next "thing" whatever that is. 

   Things I'm nervous about

• Finally going to the Dentist (it's been awhile...and I haven't flossed)
• Losing my Arabic
• Disconnect with friends and family
• Finding a job at least for the summer 

Let me be honest: I think I'm mostly scared about the people. Everyone changes in 6 months, and god knows that after my experiences in Israel I feel like I've grown a lot. Not this: brand new me that you see in the movies etc. But I can't help but have changed some because of it. And when I feel like I need people the most to understand, I'm scared they won't.

A little background: I came back from India to one of the toughest periods of my life. A huge amount of fallout with friends...a terrible roommate. The last thing I want is to struggle when I come home. I'm tired. I need rest and emotional healing. I don't want to go through that again (then again who does want to deal with depression?) And I guess I'm scared that I won't have that space to recharge and think.

So to all of you out there. I'm going to be different when I get back. Be patient with me. And I apologize if I don't give you every detail of my life in Israel. I don't expect every detail of your last 6 months... and after the 10th person I'll probably have a schpiel. Try not to take it personally.

Stay Classy my lovely readers,
KAS

So this one time I went to Jordan...

Bonjourno amigos,

It's a beautiful sunny day here in Israel. Spring has come to Lakiya! Its still cold sometimes, but flowers are blooming, and it's lovely in the sunlight. Good times.

So, as my time here winds down, I decided to go to Petra, Jordan. I just HAD to go, especially since I was so close! Also, being in Israel and seeing the mountains of Jordan rise up in the east, my curiosity was always there. What was on the other side of those mountains? Answer: more mountains.

Here's how it happened. I met a german girl, Pia, while in Haifa. We went hiking with a mutual friend and one thing led to another and I invited her to go with me to Petra. And she said yes. So we booked a hostel, and planned to meet in Eilat on Friday and then cross the border, which went by without any issues.

This was my first time walking across a border. It was odd, open air, minimum security (Israel cares only when you ENTER the country). After getting scolded by an Israeli about my passport (it's not in the best shape) we crossed no problem. Grabbed an overpriced taxi and drove to Petra, another 2 hours. By then, it was a bit too late to go and see sites, so we wander around... and met two Bedouin guys.

They were Abdullah and Mahmoud or the alcoholic and chain smoker. They were flirty and pushy, and really had only one thing on their mind. It was funny, annoying, and sad all at the same time.  Funny because they were like high school boys. They tried to hard to show off (they pretended to know Japanese), buy us meals and tea etc etc. I could see through it, and it was funny to watch them keep trying and such.

Annoying because they didn't really see me as a person. My nos were never taken seriously (if so... you stop flirting). They didn't get that no i don't like to be fed by you. Or that maybe I didn't want to smoke/drink/etc. I kept saying no. They kept teasing me about saying no. That pissed me off the most. I was supposed to just smile and go along with everything. Because once again, a woman is meant to nod, smile, and be willing.  I compromised and didn't punch em.

You could say oh how sexist/antiquated the Bedouin are. I suppose they are to an extent, but you see it in the States too. I mean just look at our love of romance (women's nos aren't REALLY no, she just "doesn't know" what she wants). I could go on, but there will be more time for that later.

The only reason I hung out with them was to stay with Pia. But we ended up spending Friday evening with them and Saturday evening, and they drove us to the border on Sunday. They sort of worked in Tourism, but kept blowing it off to hang out with us. It didn't make much sense, but whatever.

It was sad because they weren't happy. Abdullah drank more than anyone I have ever met. He put away 500 ml of pure vodka. For breakfast. Mahmoud went through 3-4 packs of cigarettes a day. While Abdullah didn't talk about it as much, Mahmoud just wants to get out of Petra and go somewhere else. They use alcohol, cigarettes, and girls to distract themselves. It's quite sad. I couldn't help but think of Buddhism. People try to escape their problems with "pleasure" but really it doesn't help you, but kills you. But it's not my role to save them.

But Petra the place was gorgeous. Rocks of multiple colors swirling, and these amazing buildings carved from the stone.If you want to see some of my photos go here. It doesn't do the place justice, but it's a start. We spent a full day walking on Saturday (7:30-4:30) doing most of the sites, all the way to the end at the Monastery (lemme tell you: it's far) and the end of the world (also gorgeous). The next day we did two hours walking to the place of high sacrafice (they aren't lying when they say it's high up). We covered almost everything, but without a guide. We could have learned more, but it was nice to be outside with nature, and seeing such amazing things.

Fun side fact: Petra used to have hundreds of Bedouins living there. In the 1980s the government forced them to move. So now you have two towns next to Petra: the peasants (or farmers) town and the Bedouin town a bit further away. A few people still live there, but most left. Tourism does strange things to places. Everyone is pushing you to spend money, to do this or that. You aren't a person, you are a dollar bill. I hate it but I feel powerless to stop it as well.

So after that, I came back to Israel. it was a long day, and with all the buses i took, I didn't get back til 930 PM but i made it. I'm glad I went to Petra. It was a crazy weekend, but good at the same time. I have another 10 days in Israel working etc. I may finally go to the west bank this weekend. I may not. We'll see.

It's hard because I am trying to finish projects for work and feeling stymied too. Nothing really ends I suppose, but new things begin. I'm so ready to move on, and waiting for it is making me antsy. Hands are in too many pots. And honestly, I'm tired. I don't know if running around this weekend will really make me feel better.

Love to you all and more updates soon,
KAS

Change in Plans, and Moving Ice Mountains

Hello fans or forced readers (you choose),

So.... I have been totally lame at writing this. My b. A lot has happened lately, but for many reasons I just don't feel like it should go on this blog. If you know: you know and I love you so much. And if you don't, well don't worry about it. And no, it does not mean that I love you less.

Work has been interesting. We had some major electricity issues the past two weeks because of rain. Yes RAIN HAS COME TO ISRAEL. So no internet, no phones, it was a bit crazy. Of course, since my job is based around the internet (and because i don't know what to do with myself without it) i went kind of crazy. Luckily, I have a good singing voice so I could sing. Seriously: nothing is quite as fun as pretending to be Louie Armstrong (try it sometime)

To continue my weather report: It rained for like a week and I thought: am I in the burg again? No, because in williamsburg there's rain but we don't get giant amounts of mud because there are these things called trees. This is the desert. There are very few trees. But: plant life just suddenly appears post rains. The most gorgeous flowers: yellow, white, purple, and orange fill the free space. Goats and sheep are herded around town to feed (not kidding, the sheep were taking up one lane of the road: hilarious).Now that we have a bit of a break its beautiful outside.

Other thing: You can't complain about rain in Israel. Doesn't matter if you are in the North where it's wetter or the Negev (desert). Rain is so important and needed, that any rain is good rain. Even if you are soaked through your clothes. Don't complain ISRAEL NEEDS THE FRESHWATER.

I also have continued to travel: I went to Haifa again this past weekend. Met up with some other couchsurfers, went hiking, and just took it easy. It really took me til this weekend to realize how I felt "finished" with Israel. I'm sure there are more places to visit (such as Petra, which I hope to go to this weekend), but something inside of me just said: my journey here is done. And if I've learned anything in my time here it's that my gut is pretty damn smart. So it's time to go.

So, while I planned on staying through Passover, I realized I can't. I feel this need to leave. I haven't quite felt something like it before. I talked with my bosses, and they understand. So change of plans: I am going to the UK with work in early march. I'll be on a business trip (wow I sound cool) til the 12th. I will then travel around the UK til the 30th (any suggestions of where to go would appreciate it but I am def visiting London). And then... i AM FLYING TO ICELAND.

Katie, why are you going to Iceland? Fabulous question, thank you for asking. So, as I was talking to my parents about changing plans (mom is just excited i'm coming home a month earlier and making passover, but someone needs to sing on key with dad!) we booked me a ticket home. Iceland air is actually quite cheap, and they give you an option of doing an extended layover in Reykjavik (i think i spelled that right... who knows). So they asked if I wanted to, and I said OF COURSE.

Background note. I have had a strange ability to travel to most of the I countries in the world. Now I have done: Ireland, Italy, Israel, India, Indonesia and soon to add Iceland. The last official ones are Iran and Iraq.... Ivory Coast doesn't count because in Wikipedia it is Cote d'Ivoire.

So now... I am super excited about going. I have no idea what I'll do in either country...but i'll figure it out. I always do. Well I know few things
UK
-Edinburgh
-fried mars bar
-heart attack from fried mars bar
-See the rabbits at St. Andrews
-Pretend I am Catherine from Wutherine Heights when I see moors.
- Pretend I am not pretending to to be Catherine like every other girl at the moors
-See what Oxford is all about
- Go to London
- Spend all my money at the Globe theater
- Learn what it's like to be a pauper
- Write the new Oliver Twist

Iceland
-Learn how to pronounce Reykjavik
- Explore Reykjavik
-CLIMB A MOVING ICE MOUNTAIN (ok a a glacier but ice mountain sounds cooler). or something with Ice
- eat fish (?)
- learn some random icelandish words. and figure out what they call the icelandic language
- try not to sound like a dumb american
-try not to freeze to death. In april.

All humor aside: it's actually a bit overwhelming all of this. I need to go but I'm not ready. I will miss so many people. I told everyone yesterday the news and they were all saying: who's going to call you such pretty names as u?? And it's true: I don't think I will have many co workers calling me "my heart" "my life" etc. These are terms of endearment in Arabic. In all likelihood, I will never see these people again. And that's really really hard. Because they are amazing people. And writing this feels like saying goodbye.

There is a Buddhist meditation: you imagine something you love, like say a book, and you imagine it destroyed. Not because you are a masochist, but because all things end, and doing that helps you form a detachment from the article. To know that, though you love this book, you may not always have it. Thing is: I didn't realize how attached I was to this place until I get ready to leave. Ironic I suppose, but mostly bittersweet. But, I know for some reason, I just can't stay.

Am I excited to come back to the states? YES. But I am also nervous. Living abroad changes you. Not so much the Eat Pray Love cliche change (in some ways I suppose...) but in the cultural adaptations. I have adapted to being here. Saying thanks and please all the time... GAH SHOOT ME WHY? I use their hand motions. I am not patient in lines. My planning skills have been seriously diminished. My fear of guns in the open has been eradicated. I'm used to being in a cafe and not understanding the conversations next to me.

These are all tiny little things, but when I go home: it's not gonna be a picnic. I'll be so happy to see all of you. But it will be an adjustment. I will constantly talk about people you don't know. I will be excited by seemingly trivial things. I will be tired of explaining other things/perhaps offended at seemingly banal but really ridiculous questions (like no i didn't live in a tent. please DON'T ASK THAT). I won't be the same girl I was 6 months ago. And you won't be the same either, and perhaps that will be hard for me too. I'm nervous, because I don't really know what my reaction will be to being home. I'll find out soon enough I suppose.

Until then: I am trying to get those last minute things in: going to Petra, perhaps finally visiting the west bank (terrible... i know). Finishing up projects for work. Moving to my last house while I'm here. And deal with the emotions of leaving/applying for things in the future. So... yeah a lot. But if I have learned anything while being here, it's that emotions while strong and can really affect me, are temporary. I now have the awareness that they can affect my perception, but I choose my reality (call it what you will, but it has some truth!).

I'll try to keep you updated. But a lot of what is going on with me is emotional. And I love talking it out with friends, but it's hard when all I can say is  I am x, y, or z emotion. And it wouldn't make for a very good blog post....

whew. what. a. post. thanks for sticking it out with me! Love you all, and I'll hopefully write soon

xoxo,
KAS
 

Because I am still alive... if you were wondering

Shalom y'all,

So... new blog post. I felt a need to write this, although I am not sure where it will go, so bear with me today. I am stuck at the house for reasons I will explain, but for now UPDATE.

First: what have I been doing. Multiple choice test
a) injuring my foot
b) going to Tel Aviv
c) eating maklouba
d) seeing the movie warhorse
e) all of the above

did you guess e? GOOD JOB! A+! I did do all of that. So first. the foot.

As most of you know, I love working out. I love sweating, pushing myself, and feeling so damn strong after a workout. Recently, as I am kind of stuck with indoor workouts, I became obsessed with bodyrock (bodyrock.tv if you are interested). Only problem: I was using very very old shoes. And I am lazy about 1) going out to shop and 2) forking over a 100+ dollars for shoes.

My body however, did not like this. and decided enough was enough. So one morning about a week and half ago, my right leg was on fire when I walked on it. Immediately I thought "shin splints" even though i've never had them. Smart. So I stopped
walking
my circuit training (did do pushups and floor stuff...but no weight on the foot)

this had ramifications. Since I do not have a car or bike... i must rely on other people for rides. Let me tell you now: its a pain in the ass. People forget about me. Tutoring now is not just two hours, but four since i have to sit around waiting for rides. And I have a huge guilt trip b/c it feels like im inconveniencing people. But... I can't walk. If i could I would. And I will when I can (soon. its getting better!).

Other slight problem, my host family doesn't feel comfortable going into the Elsaneh family area. Something about interfamily violence. *sigh* no one else seems to understand it. So i can't get rides from them. It's frustrating, but I suppose I have to learn to rely on others too. gerrr.

Still, I went to Tel Aviv. I had a meeting for work and decided to stay. How did I get around with my foot? RENTED BICYCLES. awesomeness barely covers it. So it went well. I got my hair cut, new shoes, and stayed with my friend Lauren for the weekend. It was very chill and exactly what I wanted. I enjoy Tel Aviv a lot and it a long with Haifa would be places I could totally live in.

So food. So. much. Maklouba. One week I think I had it 3-4 times. It's great...but gah, sometimes a girl needs a break! Food has been a big issue for me because of my history of negativity with food. I'm just going to have to stand up and say thank you but no, i'm fine. some people will be upset, but i can say it's a cultural thing. i hope. The emotions I go through with feeling guilty after overeating/out of control aren't worth it at all. And I have to take care of myself. Intuitive eating is crucial for me not just physically, but mentally too.

Another break I took was to go see warhorse. By took I mean I was picked up from tutoring (before I knew about these family issues and the family still drove me) and they (the two eldest sons and their half brother) were going to the movies. Did I want to come? Seeing as I hadn't been to the movies...I said fuck it! Let's do it! And we saw warhorse. which was good. Strangeness: israeli movie theaters give you a five min break in the middle. for all the tiny bladder ppl: go to israel to see a movie. or just see them at home and save your money.

That's the main update. Crazy mental update: I have only 2 1/2 months left. EEEEEEEEP. i guess i need to start looking at plane tickets for coming home. So strange to think that's happening. Like how i thought about coming here. When you realize it's going to be a REALITY, it's hard to fathom. for so long it's been floating far and away, unrealistically.

To be fair, 2 1/2 months is a long time. Long enough for me to go to the UK in March and back. Long enough to do a few more trips, celebrate passover, and even complete another big project or two for work. I don't even plan on going home til the beginning of May.

It's also weird becasue I'm mentally preparing for the next steps. Preparing for leaving here. Preparing for work next year (Peace Corps interview next week!!! and I applied to a stateside jewish year long service program too. I like being poor and doing meaningful things. I also love canned beans which helps too)

So my to do list before I leave Israel
1. get healthy
2. go to petra
3. Visit the Kineret (which i sort of did)
4. Go to the West Bank (Ramallah, Bethlehem and maybe Nablus?)
5. Visit Haifa again
6. Figure out my way home (haha it's going to happen, but in case you were worried)

i'm sure i'll do some other things too. Will keep ya posted.
Love yall ooodles. Have a glass of wine for me! And a
~KAS

Tel Aviv, New Host, and my how time fliiiiies

Bonjour mes cheries!

(in case you don't know...that was french). So what has happened in my life since we last met? Great question, I'm so glad you asked

1. I went to Tel Aviv for the weekend. A great mental health choice (my liver wasn't so sure, but it was one weekend). I needed to get away, go out at night, and just take a breather from Lakiya. If there is a place to go for a weekend to do that: it's Israel. I couchsurfed as usual, but with a guy named Vladi. He's Russian but came to Israel after the fall of the USSR.

Nice guy, showed me some classic heavy metal which i must say i liked (well Iron Maiden...which is poppy but w/e). Hung out with him in the evenings and got to see the Russian side of night life, which was fun. We had the usual local russian bars and russian cover bands of russian muscians (talk about obscure references!). As well as the hippy band that wore rastafarian clothes, recited poetry, and shouted songs. I was also a fan of the 10 NIS (aka 3 dollar) glasses of champagne there.

I found it ironic that I went from one subculture of Israel to another. I showed him the Simpsons episode on Israel as well as Zoolander (i may have been reciting the lines most of the time but it was cool) Certainly gave me another view on Israel!

I also went to numerous coffee shops, read the newspaper, and wandered around Tel Aviv. I can't say it was the most eventful weekend, but it was fun. I met up with another American who now lives/works in Tel Aviv. She was nice/gave me some great tips for tutoring. Hopefully we can meet up again next time I come to Tel Aviv.

2. So after a weekend away, I was ready to be back in Lakiya again. And then... i moved houses. It was a suprise for me too. But I'm glad I did. The new family.... ummm i don't know all of their names/their family  name yet. I'll get on that. Totally different part of town and a different clan. It's a beautiful house, I have my own room (once again...they are being way too nice but its the Bedouin hospitality). Here's more of a bullet pt breakdown of the family

• The dad has two wives. I'm not sure if the one I am with is number 1 or 2. His father has....SEVEN. Polygamy definitely still happens here but it's off the books.
• The mom is from the north, not exactly sure where. This means her dialect is somewhat different so i have a hard time understanding. The kids use a blend of bedouin/levantine accent. It's cool.
• The mom is also a teacher in middle school. 
• Seven kids, 5 girls, 2 boys. Ranging from senior in high school to first grade. They are super nice and I enjoy playing with them. More on that later.
• They have internet on a net stick. I'm trying not to abuse it... and reduce my need for it. 
• THEY HAVE A HORSE AND I AM GONNA GET TO RIDE IT. i'm so pumped

So it's been an easier transition to their house. I have also been super busy with work, and tutoring this week. I'm glad I'm doing it, but now getting to the house where I tutor is like an hour long walk. Not so bad when the sun is setting, but afterwards it's dark... so i'm gonna need to get rides back/take more time  because of it.

Other things: we had a giant BYU group come yesterday. Mostly amazing because their group from last semester had come when I was in Israel for just two weeks. where has time gone? I felt far more confident with this group, my arabic is a million times better, and I had more fun with this group. Also shows how much I've adjusted here: they were all saying thank you so much. All I could think of was "why are you saying thank you...wait. omg I'VE BEEN ADJUSTING TO ISRAEL WITHOUT KNOWING IT!?!?!?!" I knew this would happen, but it's rare when you get to see it in yourself on the ground until you go home.

So i'm enjoying my new host home. I was playing with some of the girls this morning, showing them yoga poses, soccer, pushups, and a bunch of other things. Super fun, but needed some time to myself/to write this before Shabbat. I'm trying not to use electronics on shabbat. it doesn't always work, but i enjoy it so much when i really take that day like that.

Not much else to tell right now.. Looove y'all and have a fab weekend!
~KAS

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens” -Khalil Gibran

Hello strangahs! Hows life cookin for ya? I hope it's a delicious and hearty soup. From what I hear, it hasn't been a cold winter, but who doesn't love soup? I'm a bit hungry: it's lunch time here and I ate my snakc earlier :-( Anyways....

A few updates. I am tutoring now 2x a week, soon to be 3 days a week, and maybe the occasional weekend. It will be a nice little supplement to my income, get me off the computer, and get some more free food (Bedouins.. food, drinks, it happens). I enjoy it because I get to be creative (I'm going to be using Kid Cudi as a listening exercise today) and hang out with people (ok, kids, but they're people too).

I am also now on a cool site called cowbird. I will tell other stories from Israel, but it will be a different format. Take a peak here: http://cowbird.com/author/katie-simp/#/me

I also got a massage. Turns out there's a Russian lady people in Lakiya know who lives in Beersheba. Only issue: as a Russian immigrant she speaks like as much English as I do of Hebrew. So: I booked an appt with help from a random man on the other side of the phone. Hopped on the bus, grabbed a taxi and arrived at....a house in a random distant neighborhood. 

So: turns out she has a little (heated) shed behind her house with a bathroom and a table. She has all the oils etc, but it was certainly a different massage experience. Lights weren't dimmed, we listened to the radio. Cain and Lo (aka yes and no) got me through most of the massage. although... she left at one pt to get hot stones... and the door blew open. Thank god her backyard had a fence! All in all, for 45 USD, it was a well spent hour. I had neck pain like it's no ones business.

I'm gonna be honest: right now, I have not been as happy the past few weeks. Let me explain and why saying this (for me) is important. It's like my overall composition of emotions tends toward feeling sad/lonely. Which makes sense: I picked up my life, live in a small town where everyone has their friends and family, plus the language barrier which drives me CRAZAAAAY. 

Note for people picky with their words (ahem "you're cold? I'm Glenn" ahem): I know I am crazy. I delight in my insanity. I think it's awesome, unique, and who I am meant to be. most of you love me for it. Haters are gonna hate. My mother finds it hilarious (which I find hilarious). But for clarification: the language barrier irritates and frustrates me.

So, let me point out the things this doesn't mean

1. I do not regret my decision to come here. In fact: I don't believe in regret. You have to live to figure things out. Sometimes you learn the things you don't want before you learn the things you do. 
2. I don't want to come home right now. Yes, I miss my friends, family, my room, my animals and a dozen other things. But coming home early would be a terrible decision and be a hard adjustment as well.
3. I'm not paralyzed by this emotion: in fact I think it's been helpful to push me to do new things. It's pushed me to take on the tutoring in the afternoons, to travel more, get off my computer after work, and reach out to people.

What this does mean:

1. I'm seriously considering if I want to do the Peace Corps right after my time in Israel. I might need more than 3-4 months before going off again to a foreign country.
2. I need access to a Jewish community. I need that spiritual component in my life. Without it I feel...incomplete. Like I do if all I ate was french fries for lunch. You feel full, but not fed. Also, I miss it a lot.
3. I need to accept that I am not going to fully understand things in Arabic, but I can appreciate what I do get
4. It has provided a nice gauge of what is and isn't working for me, and the things I truly need in the long run. 
5. I am learning to deal with emotions and just being honest about them. Life is not always happiness and perfect. Even if I were in the states, working and surrounded by friends, family, and a Jewish community. Sometimes, I'm just sad. It's not a bad thing to be sad. In fact, it can teach me a lot (as you can see). But most importantly: emotions are fickle and changing. I can appreciate the moment, and know that it will pass, just like everything in life does. 

Number five is not easy. For a long time, being sad for me was A BAD THING. In American, we love happiness. I blame Thomas Jefferson ("pursuit of happiness" REALLY???). How many times have we said "I just want to be happy". I understand the desire, but being happy is a foolish goal. Chasing happiness is like chasing the wind: you have little control over it. 

And then, when you are sad, you are just trying to get rid of it, like ants that have infested your house. Instead of focusing on the food you leave spread around, all you see is OMG ANTS MUST KILL. So, wanting to please and be perfect: I chased happiness and tried to kill sadness. And hid it from friends and family (most of the time) because God forbid I should be unhappy. I swear there was a logic to it, but looking back, it does sound ridiculous.

What I have decided for now. Sadness, just like happiness, will come when it wants and leave when it wants. So I treat it with patience like an old neighbor I don't particularly like, but have come to respect. And it works for me. I do the things I love, and talk with friends and family, and enjoy what I can. Because this is it. Life. This moment. And I am determined to live it intentionally.

And so: I am going to Tel Aviv this weekend. Blow off some steam. Be a twenty something. Meet up with people, and talk only in English and broken Hebrew. I'll have more to tell you afterwards. But I have to say: writing this blog is HIGHLY enjoyable. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. If you don't: stop wasting your time. As always: feel free to leave comments, email me if you want to make this a conversation.

Much love!

KAS

“All real living is meeting,” -Martin Buber

Dear literate people,

Happy 2012! I hope that y'all had a good new years, and that you have health and happiness in the next year. But really: this blog is about me. 

So: if you have been keeping up to date: I went to Jerusalem. I actually went with very low expectation.s A city full of ultra orthodox Jews, religious tension, a barrier wall running through the city, and the only city in Israel to actually shut down (mostly on shabbat). Yet... I loved it.

Part of it I blame on all the Americans. Many of the Haredim are American immigrants. I would walk down Jaffa street, and hear mostly English. It was comforting after months of being on the street and hearing only Hebrew. Living in a foreign language can be exhausting, not having to work on that level for a bit was nice.

Second: I love Jerusalem stone. Its this light sandy color that is used in all of the buildings. It has this rough hewn texture, and keeps a consistency in the city despite over 2,000 years of architecture remaining in it. In a country full of ugly architecture: it was a relief seeing some pleasing asthetics. 

Third, I had a good time.Of course, it doesn't really reflect the city, but it affects my perspective. I never claimed to be objective :-) So here's what I did since Thursday.

Friday, I went hiking in a nearby park. My hosts were going to bury a friend's ashes, so i tagged along. It was beautiful and I'm glad I had an opportunity to hike for a bit. Afterwards, I met a couchsurfer from New Zealand (kiwis!). We grabbed lunch, walked around town, and proceeded to bar hop for the afternoon. It was nice to remember what its like drinking more than wine occasionally :-) New favorite bar drink: vodka and grapefruit juice.

Sarah is a interesting person. She had a kid young and has been working since. She had been working in Christ Church during the earthquake at a newspaper. Afterwards, realizing how mortal she was, she cashed her savings, said goodbye to her family and now grown son, and left. She ended up in Phuket, Thailand helping start an English paper there. Eventually quit, wandered in India and has now been in Israel for a few  months. She might even start volunteering teaching English in Nablus. She's a lot of fun, and I was glad to meet and have someone to hang out with during the day/have an excuse to drink in the day (it's rare that i get the opportunity these days... i appreciate it when i can).
 

Afterwards, I walked back to Lynne's home with her husband since Shabbat had started. It was a nice walk, and we had a good discussion about the Reform and Conservative movement, commandments, and doing things we do/don't like. He's a cool guy. Very sarcastic, but a lot of fun to talk with. We had a fantastic vegan dinner with some of their friends. I got an invite to spend a weekend up near Cesaria, and their friends were nice. Mostly american expats who had moved to Israel/Jerusalem. Which seems pretty common.

Saturday: A beautiful lazy day with Lynne and her family. I tried to keep shomer shabbat (although some work did crop up). I really just enjoyed relaxing with the kids, going for a walk and seeing the skyline of jerusalem, and chatting with Lynne (she kind of reminds me of my mom... although I think I have more patience for Lynne than my mom: sorry!). Eventually, I packed my bags, celebrated havdallah with their family, and hopped on a bus to my next hosts. 

I didn't realize how far out they live: it was in Ein Chemed a suburb of Jerusalem and just enough of a pain in the ass that I was uncomfortable trying to go out and meet Sarah the Kiwi for drinks. So it was an early night instead. Still, my hosts were nice, and I chatted with them. I found out that Gadi is a criminal lawyer who also writes music reviews for one of the main papers/writes his own music too. Tamar, his girlfriend, had lived in the US growing up and her mom still works for the Israeli Foreign Ministry. 

My last full day in Jerusalem: I saw the Kotel, Temple Mount, and more of the insides of the old city. Next time I want to do Mount Olives/Mt Scopus since i didn't get there.  It was nice going back to the Kotel. As i say this I have a lot of problems with it. The women's side is TINY and cramped and the men have an excess of space (another example of how separate is never equal). Women are not allowed to read Torah at the wall While I have mixed feelings about it

Still, the Temple Mount is a beautiful spot. The rabbis say its against Jewish law because the spot is too holy.  Its quite, wide open spaces (it's actually huge, I had no idea). I cansee why so many find it such a holy spot. I don't think I believe that there is one spot in the world to connect with God the way ancient Jews did. God is everywhere, and it is a matter of opening your heart and mind. Still, I think some spaces lend themselves to opening,and the Temple Mount is one. 

There are two gorgeous pieces of the height of Islamic architecture: Al Aqsa mosque (smaller, silver domed, and holier) and dome of the rock (famous golden dome). Arches, mosaics, caligraphy, color, YOU NAME IT. I was so happy, Islamic architecutre is some of the most beautiful and seeing the detail put in these buildings was breathtaking.

Afterwards, I met Sarah for a late lunch, drinks, and wandering around Jerusalem. We went to the super orthodox neighborhood (where they find women wearing pants offensive). On the one hand, it was fascinating, it felt like a shtetl. On the other hand, I felt like walking on eggshells. People were staring, and in the end we were offending (with wearing jeans). On the one hand, I thought they were ridiculous, and on the other hand, I felt like I was being super insensitive. If it were an indian village, I would understand. But because they are jews living in Jerusalem... I suppose it is different levels of acceptance.

Eventually, back to Ein Chemed for the evening, and then got up in the morning and went to the Central Bus Station. Caught an early bus back to Beersheba and was back in Lakiya by 1230 (wouldve been 1130 but it wasn't  because i missed my connecting bus by like a minute). 

Since then: work. Only other exciting news: I am going to start tutoring. It's the kids of Foud, the brother of my last host, Rogiya. They have 3 boys, one girl. I will be coming over 2x a week, one hour/visit with Basel, the eldest son, and 1/2 hour/week with their daughter Hanan. I'll be making (a little) money from it, plus its something to do in the afternoon and shouldn't affect my traveling schedule.

So that's life right now, love and miss you all,

KAS

Sickness, Time, Self Reflection, and JERUSALEM.

Hello faithful readers/captive audience. I enjoy coming up with creative ways to address you (still funny to think people actually read these entries... but so far I haven't had any complaints. if you do: KEEP QUIET AND GET OUT. jk love you all. but seriously: why are you still reading if you hate it?) I had written a huge post earlier...and it just got deleted. damn you blog.

So: update on my life. After two weeks of sickness: I am healthy! First a wicked head cold that wiped me of energy and then a stomach bug that was only beat by my experience with Indian Ice... gah. After nearly a month without travel I was getting antsy sooo i am now in Jerusalem: the city of many nicknames. The city of gold in hebrew, the sacred place in Arabic, the big mess in Katie. It's a fascinating city, and I hear more English here than anywhere else in Israel. Talk about feeling at home!

Other good news: I AM LEGALLY IN ISRAEL! Tourist visa: extended. Paid: nothing (cuz im jewish...seriously. it's free for jews). AND CAN LEAVE THE COUNTRY WITHOUT PROBLEMS WITH THE POLICE. i'm only slightly terrified of them (although...  imagine meeting future spouse because of a run in with the police. Child of relationship asks: mommy how did you meet daddy? well... mommy had some trouble with the law and daddy was a nice officer who helped her through with these issues...).

So after (finally) getting my visa I hopped on a bus and came north. interesting bus because it went through the west bank and stopped at a lot of settlement towns. Settlements are towns of Israelis who purposefully moved to the west bank. Here's what I noticed:

1. Ext high levels of security, even for Israel. These communities are almost always on top of hills (traditional places of defense). They have a secured gate that patrols who enters and leaves the community, and a lot of israelis soldiers. Essentially: they do not feel safe with their neighbors, which i get. If I were arab, and Israelis were trying to essentially colonize my land in the west bank I would be upset too.

2. Almost everyone I saw was traditional religious. The women covered their hair, the men had on traditional garb such as the black hats, kippot, and peyes (where their sideburns are awk long). Basically these communities are almost all ultraorthodox or haredim. Partly I think because they feel it is their religious duty to make Israel along the biblical boundaries, which include the west bank, and some very holy jewish sites there (including the tomb of many patriarchs/matriarchs).

3. Look exactly like Israeli towns in other parts of Israel. Nice upper middle class homes, parks, decent roads and sidewalks. Essentially: full services/better than most Israeli Bedouins get inside Israel.

I have a lot of problems with these settlements. Politically: they are a huge roadblock to peace, because they are Israelis essentially trying to colonize the land and claim it for Israel. Not cool. Additionally: the security needed for these towns comes from the army. Thus, they are a huge drain on security/on taxpayer money. Which I think is ridiculous for being outside 48 boundaries. Finally, I do not know this about the haredi in the west bank, but many haredim do not work. They study torah and live off of welfare. If that is the case here too: then not only are they a drain because of security, but also drain the welfare system for their lifestyle. Really makes me angry.

But: i'm glad i saw these towns, even for just a bit.

In the end, I got to Jerusalem. I had plans to go exploring with some couchsurfers, but it fell through. Which was okay. I wandered around, made it to the old city. I tried to go to the church of the holy spulchre, but i got lost in the soq. Next time I need to just ask. In the end I went to a musuem, talking about the history of jerusalem with some excavations. It was hard because I had all my stuff with me, and it was killin my shoulders.

In the end, I went and wandered around Jaffa and Ben Yehuda street. Met a cool older guy volunteering in Jerusalem for a year. Had dinner, bought some postcards, and took in what was before me. My observations:

1. Abnormally high number of religious people live in Jerusalem. Makes sense: they go where it's holiest. And that for jews, is Jerusalem
2. A lot of Americans. So much english. I felt very at home oddly
3. While arabs and Jews live in Jerusalem, they live very segregated lives. Somme parts are all arab, some parts are all jewish. Some mixing with shopping. that's it.

Well the thing about America was both comforting and odd. Because of sickness I have had a lot of time for self reflection and i feel so distant from America. Partly because christmas passed without any hubub, and i feel so disconnected from friends (even though we skype...when i harass you. someone should harass me about skyping). But also, America itself just feels foreign. which is weird. Like seeing the trailer for the new movie New Years. It's such an American movie, and that feels odd to me. Like somehow it no longer shows my experiences. Which is true: i am an american, but i'm in Israel living like a Bedouin. sort of. But it's just another stage of living abroad, and it makes me even more curious about how the transition will be when i go home.

The other thing I realized is time and how we truly measure it. It doesn't feel like the end of the year. It doesn't even feel like December for me. All my traditional markers: exams, winter break, channukah, christmas, all fell to the way side. We don't really understand time unless we have markers. Another way: next time you are in the car and not driving, find a way to lay down and look out the window where all you see is blue sky. When you stare at it long enough: you won't feel like you are moving. Why? you need objects to show change in place to tell you you are moving. It's similar with time, except we mark it with events, like holidays, rituals etc. And right now: i feel like im floating. It's not bad, but it's weird.

And yet, I DO miss those holidays. It was sad not being in NC for christmas. It was weird being too sick to try and celebrate channukah. I have said it before and i'll say it again: i miss having a jewish progressive community. People to celebrate the holidays with, to discuss torah with, to be jewish with. It's something that I realize is super important and will be a factor in choosing my next steps after my crazy travel in Israel.

Also: i'm not homeless in Jerusalem. I am actually staying with a client from Lakiya Weaving at her lovely home near the German Quarter (aka nice Anglo area of the city). She's a feminist therapist, her husband is a conservative rabbi, and they have 3 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 4 chickens. It's a fun house, and i'm looking forward to staying with them for Shabbat. I'll let you know how it goes: they keep shomer shabbas (aka strict shabbat, no work, no electricity, etc). They have english books so i'll be entertained.

alright. it's late here and I need to sleep. love you all and have a happy and healthy new year. and please: stop with the I'm gonna lose x lbs for new years. Focus instead on: i'm gonna eat vegetables 2x/day or something easier. Because you are beautiful as you are. Maybe you wanna be healthier? cool. But loosing weight does not equal healthier person.

anyways, getting off my soap box and into bed. lilah tov loves!
KAS

A beautiful moment

No picture could do the moment justice.

West of Lakiya are these beautiful hills with dirt tracks for cars/perfect for walking. After losing a few hours to the internet, I went for a walk in the hills. The sun was setting, and the world was a series of browns, oranges, pinks, purples, and dusty purples. I enjoyed the silence and a chance to be in nature, alone.

As the sun was setting, I returned back to the house. On my way, the call to prayer happened. With five mosques in Lakiya, they each have a muezzin, or someone that calls people to prayer. It sounded like a weaving of voices, natural rising together to become one large piece unintentionally.

As I arrived back at Khadra's I found the back door to the salon locked. I was about to knock when in the dim light of dusk I saw Khadra there, praying. Initially, I wanted only to be respectful and let her pray in peace. As I watched, I found her movements beautiful. Stand up, kneel, bow. Stand, kneel and bow. She wasn't praying with just her heart and mind, but also her whole body. The rhythms reminded me of dance, and at that instant I wondered what it would look like in Mecca during the Hajj with MILLIONS of Muslims simultaneously praying like that.

While I didn't want it to end, Riham saw me and opened the door. I was kind of creepy standing in the door way, not doing anything/hard to see in the darkness. But I'm grateful for that moment.

What moment took your breathe away today?
Much love,
KAS

Stories from the unrecognized villages

Part of my struggle with this blog is telling the stories of people I meet AND keeping you updated on my life. Today I will try and do both (again)

At Sidreh, we have a wonderful relationship with BYU in Jerusalem. Not only are they having an exhibition at their gallery of our carpets, but they also just generously gave us 1000 school kits to be distributed in schools in the unrecognized areas! Today, they came down to deliver these goods and help distribute them. I went along as the resident photographer (Hanan has my camera...photos will come up soon!).

What an experience. We were mostly rushing around all day because of time constraints with the truck. When we finally got a chance to sit and talk at the Alsira village, I was touched by the head of village, Khalil Alamour's, story.

First: unrecognized villages, as a reminder, have no government services. This includes, roads, water, electricity etc. Additionally, it also includes the threat of demolition of their homes. Khalil was kind enough to invite us to his house. They have an electric generator,solar panels and laid down their own pipes to distribute water in the village. They even have their own system to get wifi in the village. Like many Bedouins, he has his own chickens and turkeys to help provide food for the family/not rely too much on buying groceries. These small acts were acts of rebellion, showing that not only will they stay here, but also that they will sustain themselves.

Khalil then told us about their 6 year fight with the government over housing demolition. Recently, a court ruled that they could not demolish their houses, the first victory of its kind! He told us how his mother could finally sleep at night, because she no longer feared that soldiers would come the next day. To this day, Khalil has the sign, notifying the residents that their houses will be demolished. They don't use names on these forms: but numbers signifying each house.

I was impressed: his resilience, his courage, and determination to face such odds were incredible. They even used humor in the face of it all: creating their own signs for the village, and a mock warning sign (the traditional white triangle outlined in red) of houses being demolished. I'm happy that they no longer have to worry about their houses being demolished and hope that I too will have the courage to stand up for justice like them!

So: that was my day today. On a humourous note: still couldn't go anywhere without getting something to eat or drink. Even when we were rushing out and didn't have time to sit, they gave us drinks for the road! Very funny... and very Bedouin.

Also: OUR WEBSITE IS FINISHED!!! take a look at sidreh.org. We have a great catalog that shows a lot of our pieces and tells so much more about our organization. I'm so proud to have helped with it. If you have any comments/concerns about the website please let me know!

Much love,
KAS

Food, and the ongoing culture shift

Hello, Friends, family, and random strangers that stumble on my blog,

So: what's new in my life? fantastic question. thank you for asking.

`1. Bureaucracy. Went AGAIN to Beersheva to talk to the interior ministry. because my visa expires tomorrow and i still hadn't heard anything from the Jewish agency. They said they hadn't heard anything and wait for a phone call. I reminded them about how my visa expires. they shrugged. I wanted to laugh. In the states this would be  A BIG DEAL. but being an american jewish girl.... it isn't. so. we'll see what happens. *sigh*

2. I'm sick. head cold. colored mucus. not fun. tea. honey. lemon. salt. soup. also: biscuits with honey is delicious and makes my throat feel amazing

3. Still busy with work. Went to Jerusalem for a bazaar on Thursday. A slow day, but I think we made some good contacts for the future. Plus we might get some tourism out of it, so it wasn't a total waste. just a frickin long day. and this cold has taken my energy. blegh.

4. Getting geared up for sending holiday love back home. I won't say anymore: but you'll know when you get it.

Other things going on in life: clash of cultures continue! Basically here's what happens. I don't mind meeting people and being a guest. It's flattering, but I can't do it for like 3-4 hours. Most of the time in Lakiya, that seems to be the norm. You sit down, usually for tea. You chat, you stay for a meal, or a snack. And you really can't leave until you have eaten. It actually drives me nuts, for personal reasons.

I won't go into too much detail: but I have had a long and complicated relationship with food. Diets, emotional eating, social eating, it goes on and on. I don't really want to explain it here. What i do want to say is at this point in my life eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full is important for me. Additionally, I can't forbid or restrict foods: it takes me to a really negative place.

Normally,at Khadra's, it's really chill and I don't usually worry about it. When I'm at other people's houses, it becomes a totally different issue. Leaving without eating becomes an insult. And then they pressure you to eat a lot. I get it: food is still a big deal in their community. Many people 40s and up experienced hunger. But I can't explain my relationship to food to every house i go to, nor can i do it justice in Arabic. I try and strategically plan it now, but at times I get frustrated that it becomes impossible to leave someone's house.

Which is what I did today. I had to go over to my old host family: the Abd'ullahs, today to hand back a cord i accidentally took with me. I came around 1230, having a small snack before I went. We had tea, and then I went with them to the grandmother's house for a big family lunch. It was nice, I really enjoy that extended family, and it looks like I will start tutoring one of the kids in English! But after lunch, tea, and dessert, i was tired and ready to come back to Khadra's.

So, somethings still take adjusting to. I'm hoping to start putting up more photos. They aren't the best, but i'm going to try and start being more proactive in taking photos/having photos of me here as well (especially for you mom).

That's all. super tired. gonna hit the sack. Much love,
KAS

Rumination on photography and living to the fullest

Blah, computers. I had started writing this post, and BOOM. GONE. So annoying.

Anyways: back to the point of this blog post. Me ruminating about photos.

As you know... I didn't have a camera for the first two months I was here (dear god, where does time go?). I didn't really notice it (other than wishing I could show y'all photos of here). And now, that I have both my awesome fujifilm instant photo camera and the digital one, I've been thinking more about the importance of photos, memories, and how it relates to travel (there's a reason I went to william and mary...).

So let's give some back story on me and my less than enthusiastic photo taking. couple of reasons

1.  I forget to bring my camera with me
2. I forget to take photos. Caught in the moment of doing things
3. I feel awkward taking photos. Especially of strangers (which I love to do)
4.  I know way too many people that take too many photos
5. I am far more future focused than past

I think the last two the most important. We all know the obsessive photo takers. They take photos as you are leaving a place, entering a new one, need 5 group shots, and another 3 of you eating. It becomes exhausting, and you get very sick of the camera. Plus, it feels like you care more about preserving the present than LIVING IT. Ironic...

More fundamental to my personality: I have always been thinking about the next thing. It can be good: you don't worry so much about the past. mistakes, etc. But it definitely means I don't try and preserve some of these moments for the future. I will not always remember exactly what Lakiya looks like. And, I want to remember my time here. Perhaps not every moment, but some.

So I'm starting to take photos. I love the way people show up on my fujifilm camera (i'll hopefully get near a scanner soon to show more of them). Mom wants me to have photos of my daily life. With people taking photos of me all around. Perhaps I'll get around to doing some of that. We'll see....

I've also realized that taking photos can be a memory as well. I saw Ghadir and Emir this evening sitting and chatting on their bed (as they usually do) and i wanted to take a photo. Grabbed my fuji camera and took one. They of course, got interested... and a 15 photo shoot ensued. Initially, I was very guarded about my film (it's expensive! It goes so quickly!). But: if I don't use it: what's the point? And we had so much fun, I showed them how to use the camera (easy pt and shoot) and they loved watching them develop. Plus, I gave a few to them (i kept my favorites...). And we took some great ones. Ghadir is especially photogenic. I was able to take photos of a few pretty well. But hopefully I'll get the rest up later. here are some now: 
1. Ghadir
2. I really hope you know who that is.
3. You know who and Emir
if you guess Voldermort, I may actually use cruciatus curse. I had to look that up to make sure I used the right word for that. For those of you who are confused: Google.

Other highlights this week:

Went into Beersheva Thursday and met another couch surfer! Her name is Andrea, originally from Ecuador. She's really nice, and we went to a party/bar and I met some of her friends. It was nice to have a night out, and have a bit to drink.

As I was waiting for Andrea at one point on Friday, I had a conversation in Hebrew, which was remarkable since I don't speak Hebrew. Luckily... it was very basic. And I know Arabic. Still, amusing how much you can convey without language. or limited use. 

Saturday: what was supposed to be a lazy day turned into a mad rush to Sidreh because a group that supposedly spoke Arabic... didn't. Sigh. They were nice. And a group of Americans from the Embassy came down to shop. Left with two special orders, a wall hanging, couple pillows, and two smaller pieces. Basically: I sold around 6,000 shekles. That's like 1600 USD. I was proud of myself.

Sunday: Sidreh helped organize a protest for the Prevar plan (the one that threatens to move 30,000 + Bedouins from their homes to officially recognized Bedouin towns). Al Jazeera covered the protest. I didn't go because I had worked the day before. Thus I sat around all day on my computer.

It's true: I am addicted to my computer. I'm getting better... I think. I'm gonna go now and spend the rest of my night reading the 2nd book in the stieg larsson trilogy. And dream about learning Swedish to read more swedish crime novels. And talk to Alexander Skarsgard.

That's all folks. Much love as always,
KAS

I may fail 99 times,but I'll get it right the 100th time.

So another day in Lakiya. It was actually an exciting one: we had a team of designers from NYC. The high fashion, they wear their own design types. They were very sweet, and super interested in working with us in some of their future projects. Plus they bought some rugs, which is good in my books. Nevertheless, it kind of felt like project runway. Too bad Heidi Klum didn't come with them.

Yet when all was said and done, we left a bit late at 3 pm. and i was exhausted. As I have been for weeks coming back from Sidreh. Except now it feels more pronounced, and then I realized: it's about the time of year i get burnt out. This is when my dad says : how surprising! It's right about finals time when you ALWAYS felt this way.

I get it. ha. ha. ha. Katie does it again. And there's good reason

1. Work. Crazy busy, takes a lot out of me

2. Visas. trying to stay in a country, esp when you get mixed signals on how to move forward?? NOT FUN. (update: I have now gotten this fixed, and should be able to stay until mid may, really planning on being here til mid april and then peacing for the UK for a few weeks, wanted some flexibility in when I leave though)

3. Peace Corps. they want a lot of stuff. enough said. and i am...abroad. makes life difficult.

4. I am terrible at self-care.

And that my friends is the hardest part. I have a hard time switching off. I'm smart, and a good worker. I like getting things done. But the nature of life: there's always more to do. Sometimes you have to switch off. Take a break, drop out and recharge. And that is very difficult for me.

See: I'm an introvert. Not as in I'm shy, because I don't think I am most of the time. I'm an introvert in that I process my life internally. I need time alone, to contemplate, and reinvigorate myself. It's like I have a pool of water: overstimulation is like someone draining my pool, leaving me with less and less water to drink from. And that's a problem in the desert.

Before: I would power through, and recharge during breaks. This became less and less tenable as time went on, but mostly held true. I am now in the real world: i can't blame finals, and I don't have any breaks (that I know of) coming up. I can't pretend to be sick: I live with my boss (strange when you think about it, but it works).

Even worse, I would do activities that wouldn't make me feel better: junk food, internet, tv. Granted, I still love all 3, but when I am tired they don't soothe me.  I need to change it. So what do I do?

1.  doodle. (perhaps i'll post a photo or two later, I and Ghadir both like my doodles. She's 7 but I think she has good tastes)
2.  sing. preferably adele or mumford and sons.
3. dance
4.  write
5.  meditate

Meditation is actually my favorite. It's a total relaxer, and energizes me like nothing else. Almost better than napping. And today, it was even better, because i felt connected to the whole universe, and that the boundaries weren't really there.

Ok, sounds strange, and vaguely cliched but I believe we were meant to trust each other, and try to act from a place of love rather than fear. To see beyond the action to the reason behind it. I'm not perfect at it: I snap at people, I can still be fearful. I'm not saying to through precaution to the wind. Instead, I challenge myself to try and see the spark of the divine within each person. To start from a place of trust, instead of fear. Like Walid from Akko and Gandhi. While I can't describe it, Souza does by saying, 

Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as though no one can hear you,
Live as though heaven is on earth.

And this is how I believe we are meant to live. If I keep trying to explain, I'll never get it, and this post is long already. But I guess being abroad, and really connecting with myself shows me that I must choose this path, of honesty, of compassion, to come into my own, to be who I was meant to be. I don't think it will ever be easy, but perhaps one day I'll look back on this entry and realize that this wasn't the beginning or an end, but another important junction on my journey.

speaking of journeys: shout out to my amazing friend Meghan who sent me a CARE package. Full of: disposable cameras, spray cheese (which i have never eaten before), sun tan lotion and a book by e.e. cummings. It totally  made my day and I love the E.E. cummings book. And, since I seem to put no photos of my life here, I'm going to add a few below

1 and 2: my room, and all of my clothes. yes. that is basically all i have while here

3. what a bathroom looks like. if you look closely, you'll see it also includes a shower. there's no doors or anything, but the tiles around the shower are little lower and thus the water doesn't roam too much

4. Laundry machines are tiny here. so there's constantly laundry going.

5. A view of Lakiya

Enjoy! and much love,

KAS 

You Can't Always Get What You Want But You Get What You Need

So.... lemme summarize my amazing week.


My family was in town! Well, and by family: my mom, dad, and brother. They came in last Saturday, during the day. I had to work at the Holiday Bazaar a bit north of Tel Aviv, so it made it very easy for me to go to the hotel and meet them. Mother was ecstatic that I carefully planned to have her be the first one to see me (yes... I totally planned that Dad would be parking the car).

So what we did: traveled all. over. Israel. We did one day where we went from the south to the north. Luckily, Israel is small, but we spent a lot of time in the car. We had a great tour guide named Rafi, who was always willing to answer my billion and half questions. Plus, he would carry mom's purse. So I think it was a win for her too.

I could go into depth about Tel Aviv, Beit Shemesh, the Dead Sea, Massada, Golan etc. But, frankly there's too much details, and there's photos (look here for all the photos). And talk to me personally if you want to know about it. But basically: I was just happy to spend time with my family. It had been ages since I had seen them, and missed them. Family, as family should, let me feel safe, comfortable, and unself-conscious of my actions, a rare break when being abroad.

It wasn't always smiles and rainbows: we fought, they drove me crazy, and I'm sure it was mutual. I love my family: I don't always LIKE them. Still: I was surprised that I was holding back tears (not so successfully) when they left. Frankly, once they dropped me off at the train station it got easier. I no longer felt like crying, but I'm still kind of down from it. But as one of my posters says: all emotions are beautiful. And it just reminds me that no matter where I go, there's always a part of me in Fairfax Station, VA. I'm so grateful that they came at all: it was the best Thanksgiving/Channukah/Christmas present.

It drives my mother crazy, but I don't really like presents, gifts especially around this time. Because I don't need/want much. Experiences to me are far more meaningful. Studies show that experiences create more happiness over the long term because of memory. I agree wholeheartedly, and would rather spend time with people over (most) any present. There's always exceptions :-P

So now? working on all the paperwork for both 1) My work visa and 2) my application for the Peace Corps. Last night: I ran around Tel Aviv for fingerprints. Just so you know: taxi drivers can be assholes. So much money lost.... oh well. it's done, and i can send the paperwork. Now I have to
1) make an appt with the Israeli Ministry of Interior
2) get all my proper docs in order
3)FAX (who the hell FAXES anymore??). for an appt.
4) finally go to the bureau (hopefully) in Be'er Sheva.

Ugh. I hate details. Drives me crazy. Remind me never to be a boring paper pusher. It would be my version of office space. Then again, being here, and doing what I do, I don't feel like an adult. I still feel like...a kid.

Does that ever change? Even if I got an office job, an apt, and had a 9-5 routine with taxes and everything: would I feel like an adult? Or would I feel like I'm playing dress up? In Israel 22 year olds know how to shoot guns, or if you're Bedouin, probably married. They have fully embraced the mantle.

I have always been serious/mature, but what does it MEAN to be an adult? Because all of those things just change your relationship to things/other people. Does it change who you are? Perhaps I'll write more about this in another post. But I have a feeling most other just graduated Americans feel similar. Even with desk jobs, apartments, and taxes.

On the bright side: for all of this stuff I got to stay in Re'anana, a town near Tel Aviv, for a few days and sort of recover from my week with my parents. I have a new charger (!!!) and my computer is working so much better because of it (that will be a nice bday present to myself when i go home:  A NEW COMPUTER!).

So: life is getting back to normal (whatever that is). And I head back to Lakiya today. To the crazy whirlwind of life. 

Much love,
KAS

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

~Mahatma Gandhi

I thought about this quote for a lot of reasons. It began this morning as I was working out in the hotel gym. Yes, I am at a hotel, with my family, in Tel Aviv. Quite strange being a full blown tourist in Israel. but for another time.

So, I'm on the elliptical watching Russian News (shout out to Sophie Kosar) and they were discussing the Occupy Wall Street protests. America has done all of this. We have tried to ignore it, we have made fun of it, and now there is amazing police brutality from use of pepper spray, arrests, and rubber bullets (especially at the Oakland protests). It's an amazing movement, and I think is starting an important discussion. I hope that they can continue on this momentum, and that we really have a discussion in America about class, privilege, and the growing disparity. Because it IS a problem.

Later on, as we (me, my family, and Rafi our tour guide) walked through the streets of Tel Aviv, I thought of it again. A hundred years ago, Israel didn't exist. It was a backwater province of the Ottoman Empire, with a tiny fraction of Jews living there. Tel Aviv, now a major city, was handing out plots to Jews, a small suburb of Jaffa. Herzl, while inspirational, was considered a nut. While I have many issues with the Zionist narrative, and it's omission of the forcible removal of Arabs from their homes, and persecution Bedouins have faced, it is another movement that dealt with this same process.First ignored, then laughed at, and then fought. And then won.

In many ways this is an amazing and ongoing narrative, filled with so much sorrow, and loss on both sides. While, over 60 years old, these wounds live on. They live on in the stories told to the children, in the distrust on both sides, and a military legacy. While Jews won a state, we lost a chance to develop peacefully, and become part of a region. It's created a very high cost of living, a large military state, and a tired population, ready for a change. I believe that change may finally come.

People, I think, in general have a hard time imagining things that do not exist. It is not merely dreamers, but actors that change our world. And while we look back on people such as Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, and Susan B. Anthony, at the time they did not have such favorable attitudes. To affect change, you're going to face critique, dissent. People do all that Gandhi said. It takes a strong will to achieve greatness.

Then I saw this video (go to 3:45 just to see the finished piece), and began to think about the current counter-culture "hipster" aesthetic. For me, it is certainly a mixed bag. On the one hand, I make fun of the stereotype because some people are merely about the surface of it, appearing as indie as possible. That somehow the right clothes, and music somehow makes you a better person. it doesn't. It's not really critical of the current American social reality: it's just another face of consumerism and materialism.

HOWEVER. laughing at them ignores something important: the importance of your values matching your spending. This is not a luxury everyone has. Some people can't afford to buy over expensive organic cotton USA made American Apparel clothing.  While I hate Wal-Mart and all it stands for, it does help some people make ends meet, and I cannot argue with that.

However, I believe we do have a responsibility to understand what we spend and how we support different things. Whether it's the meat we eat, or the clothes we wear, when we purchase items, we support how that companies work, and treats its employees, the environment, and how it makes its products. Ignorance is not an excuse.

Still, we must do more than simply buy. Remember 9/11? We were asked to show our patriotism through SHOPPING. We live in a system that depends on us consuming more and more. It's bad for the environment, our wallets, and I think for our actual happiness. We must move away from materialism, and refocus our lives around the important things. Right now: name the 5 things that make you happy. Are any of them based around money or things? Yes, money is important and we need things such as clothes and food. But we can actively refocus our lives around what actually makes us happy instead of what we are constantly told we are supposed to. So what do you want? What do you want your life to look like? And more importantly: what can you do TODAY?

So congrats on getting to the end of this post. I'd love for this to be the beginning of a discussion. If you can't comment on this, feel free to email me, and we can continue the debate. I love a good dialogue :-)
Much Love,
KAS

The Twists and Turns of a Soulless Ginger's Mind

So. I have to be up at like 6 am tomorrow. Its 9 am now. I have a feeling i'm not gonna sleep well. probs cuz an hour ago i had coffee. WOOPS. whatever.

So... my past week. I have been working like a dog. Long hours, crazy days. Some highlights:

We did a show in Herzliyya. The EU Ambassador's wife (who is super cool) is really good to our organization. She has a gorgeous house and has hosted us before for events. This time, it was for the International Women's Club and the Diplomat Spouses Club. I walked in, and I felt like I was at a sorority open house. some things never change huh?

We started off on the wrong foot cuz we were late. People got lost, it was raining (which can be pretty intense/cause traffic around Tel Aviv). So I was rushing trying to help out, and I broke a chinese vase. It was one of those slow motion moments where you're like
No no no NOOOOOOOOO

She saw, and she had this pained look. All I could say was "I'm so sorry". Her reply "it's ok, it was mostly sentimental"

my. heart. broke. Afterward, I was far more careful. Still felt terrible. YAY GUILT! Still, the women were very receptive, and they bought a ton. We sold over 4,000 USD within 2 hours. That's a good day. 

 Since then: I went to a press conference releasing an alternative plan to the Prewar Plan. Background: the prewar plan  is a government plan to move people from unrecognized villages (over 40) into 7 recognized settlements, essentially urbanizing the Bedouins. This will move over 30,000 people, compensate them with only 50% of their original land claims. The Bedouins only claim 6% of the Negev, and much of the Negev isn't even settled. People have been on these lands for generations, and moving them would be destructive, and expensive. It's hard to believe that in Israel, land of cell phones, and cutting edge technology, some people don't have electricity, running water, or access to public transportation.


It was cool because Sidreh is at the forefront representing the women's views on these plans, and making sure to address their specific needs in the alternative. Hanan, who is our community engagement manager, even spoke, being the only Bedouin women to do so at the press conference. It's good to know that Bedouin women's issues are incorporated in this political movement. 


It's interesting to me how Feminism can be different and yet similar in Upper middle class white America and Bedouin Israel. In many ways they differ: issues of mobility, employment, and health are very different for these groups. While in America we fight for equal pay, the Bedouins fight for work, especially those that they can do in their local area. In America, we fight for the right to have an abortion, while the Bedouins fight for the right to see a doctor locally, and in Arabic. 


And yet, in some ways, they face similar issues of being seen in relation constantly to men. The first question I am always asked here is: are you married, do you have a boyfriend etc. Mostly because at 22 I am of prime marrying age in Lakiya, and EVERYONE gets married. There is a huge amount of social pressure to marry. I won't name names, but I heard a story of one woman, who nearly became a 3rd wife. She's around 30, which is old in Lakiya. She almost accepted this marriage, because one of her brothers was pushing this marriage. Women are certainly making strides, but still are seen in relationship to their husbands, and their sons. This can be seen in how you address mothers respectfully. Instead of their first name, you say Mother of x (usually her son).

This pressure to attach yourself to a man, reminds me of the States. People may not like it but in America we have a social narrative of women must marry. Mostly that something is wrong with the woman if she isn't married, and if she fixes it, then she will fall into line


-27 dresses. Neurotic woman, always a bridesmaid, finally reforms and marries.
-In Her Shoes, goes from a work aholic, to an active, happy woman who marries
-Knocked Up, neurotic, work obsessed woman, accidentally gets pregnant. Learns to let go, trust a man (and become somewhat submissive). They get together and create a nuclear family unit. 
-Crazy cat lady stereotype. Never married, all alone, with cats. It is HER fault she didn't marry, cuz she's insane and prefers cats. 


So people say: it's just the movies, it's just a story. These are stories that we tell ourselves, and resonate with us. Like fairy tales, they reinforce certain ideas in our heads. In these cases, we are reinforcing sexist ideas about women, and marriage.The vast majority of the stories we tell about women force their identities to revolve around others, specifically men. Women who don't marry are shamed into feeling abnormal because they are not in solidified relationship to a man. I say that's bullshit, and we must begin to tell stories about women that do not revolve around romance, and men. Even worse, we then make fun of women who overly focus on relationships/finding boyfriends when we create the very pressure on them to do so! This is one of the many reasons I am proud to be a feminist. 


so, that's it for today. I'm gonna leave you with a link to Khadra Elsaneh's story. She is the General Manager of Sidreh/Lakiya Negev Weaving. This is some background on her life and the beginning of Sidreh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvSZHhZO8gQ


hopefully more stories of people from Lakiya soon!
Much love,
KAS

Akko, Nazareth, and changing plans

Hello friends, family, and perhaps random strangers who stumble upon my blog

last you heard from me were my travelling tips. gotta do better on those next time. i tend to eat out too much.

so you ask...how was the rest of your trip??? what did you do? ARE YOU ALIVE?

ok. last question, not so real. it would be cool if i was a ghost and could somehow still access the internet. but i'm alive and well, and still in one full piece.

so: what you actually want to hear: my adventures.

Akko: I figured it would be a nice day trip. beautiful city, some time to myself, see some nice historic sites. and boy... what a shock.
I got off the train, wandered/found (with the help of many strangers) the old city. Historical note: Akko was the northern port town through much of the medieval/ottoman period. Haifa is a far newer city.

I arrived in the town to a HUGE party. Since most of the old city is Arab, many Muslim, they were partying for the muslim holiday (the one i described where they kill sheep). no more sheep, but music, games, food, pony rides. think carnival. It was cool to watch, and I wandered through the market, just trying to get a feel for the city.

I started looping back towards the mosque, you know, to start seeing sights. This older man with a child on his shoulders says shalom to me. I couldn't resist, and replied in Arabic (Salaam walkum). The man got super excited.
Him: You speak Arabic?!?!
Me: yes. Mostly Modern Standard (aka literary arabic)
Him: That's beautiful! The language of the Koran. Where did you study? Where are you from?

And that is how I met Walid, aka the Sufi of Akko. He then proceeded to show me around Akko the rest of the day. I didn't see a ton of sights, but I saw the mosque (for free), the port, the light house, and even met some of his friends. Akko isn't a big town, and Walid seems to know everyone. Plus we chatted about religion, humanity, etc. I didn't always understand him (since it was all in Arabic) but he was a good guy. I was blown away by his kindness. He spent 5 hours with me, invited me to dinner with him and some of his friends, and even walked me all the way back to the train station. I have now promised to return one weekend for a visit and meet more people. and actually see some sights.

I had a good time. but at the same time it was intense. When travelling, you must become very open at times. You can meet amazing people, whom you would never have met before. I feel like we are raised to be distrustful of the world. It's dangerous, people can hurt you, be on your guard. And yes, I suppose on the one hand that is true. On the other hand, when you trust people, open yourself up, amazing things can happen.By responding to shalom, I met Walid. He embraced this quality, and really cares for all people. He is 70 years old, yet he seemed so much younger and full of life.

 Being around Walid was hard, because I'm not fully like that, I have a hard time truly letting most people in. When you are in, you are in, and you stay that way for a long time. When I close the door, it's closed, and very hard to open. It comes from a very different perspective of humanity. When you are open, you are trusting in others, and letting yourself become vulnerable. When you are afraid of others, and how they can hurt you, this is terrifying, and you fear becoming hurt or being rejected.

But being truly open, means trusting others, and trusting yourself. Sometimes you may get hurt. Sometimes people won't like you. Yet whe you open yourself to the world, you allow for more people to meet you, to have more chances of acceptance, and to show to yourself how strong and resilient you are.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. ~ Maryanne Williamson

Ok: so back to my trip

Thursday I spent recovering from my intense day in Akko. I watched TV, got lunch with Itay (who I had met on Tuesday for coffee from couch surfing). We got falfalel and this dish with eggplant and eggs (yummy). I met one of his friends from the antiquities bureau. Ended up getting coffee, and discussing things from underwater archeology to the Bedouins.

Background on Itay:

He's in his early 30s, from a town near Haifa. He went to Haifa University, got a degree in Archeology, and now works for the antiquities bureau. He's studying to become a tour guide, and is a big couchsurfer. He hosts tons of people and loves to travel. He visited some of former yugoslavia through it, and I forget where else. He's a big reader (Neil Gammon, Vonnegut, Kerouac). All in all, a good guy. 

So that night.... i have no idea what i did. Wow. I think i sat around and watched more tv. yeah. 

Friday: worked out, and hung out with Saar some. It was a shame I didn't get to spend more time with him. He's pretty cool. We had some great discussions on cities, what makes serial killers different, and child prodigies amongst other things. His cat, Tigre, is super sweet, and it was nice to get to pet a cat (i miss mine! and my dog). Hopefully next time I go to Haifa we will get a drink.

So, afterwards I went to Itay's that afternoon. We ended up watching Futurama, a french movie, drinking some wine, and then just falling asleep.

Saturday: Nazareth. Turns out its not a cute little scenic town like Akko, but a big arab town with tons of traffic. Driving there was a pain. But I saw the chruch where the think Mary lived. Beautiful, and pretty new building, with mosaics from all over the world. Wandered around some of the old quarter, and Itay and I found a museum filled with local art. very nice. That night: we watched the travel channel (and I now desperately want to do the Camino pilgrimage trail), and futurama. good times. 

Sunday: woke up, and went back to Lakiya. Even was able to put in a full day of work! We had a cool group come in the afternoon, and they bought a ton of stuff. good job tourists. 

Upcoming this week: going to Herzilyya to the Eu Ambassador's place for an exhibition aaaand

MY FAMIY IS COMING TO ISRAEL ON SATURDAY!!!! very excited. should be fun.

well gotta run. off to a welcome home party for someone from the pilgrimage to mecca (you know, the usual).

Much love,

KAS