Sickness, Time, Self Reflection, and JERUSALEM.

Hello faithful readers/captive audience. I enjoy coming up with creative ways to address you (still funny to think people actually read these entries... but so far I haven't had any complaints. if you do: KEEP QUIET AND GET OUT. jk love you all. but seriously: why are you still reading if you hate it?) I had written a huge post earlier...and it just got deleted. damn you blog.

So: update on my life. After two weeks of sickness: I am healthy! First a wicked head cold that wiped me of energy and then a stomach bug that was only beat by my experience with Indian Ice... gah. After nearly a month without travel I was getting antsy sooo i am now in Jerusalem: the city of many nicknames. The city of gold in hebrew, the sacred place in Arabic, the big mess in Katie. It's a fascinating city, and I hear more English here than anywhere else in Israel. Talk about feeling at home!

Other good news: I AM LEGALLY IN ISRAEL! Tourist visa: extended. Paid: nothing (cuz im jewish...seriously. it's free for jews). AND CAN LEAVE THE COUNTRY WITHOUT PROBLEMS WITH THE POLICE. i'm only slightly terrified of them (although...  imagine meeting future spouse because of a run in with the police. Child of relationship asks: mommy how did you meet daddy? well... mommy had some trouble with the law and daddy was a nice officer who helped her through with these issues...).

So after (finally) getting my visa I hopped on a bus and came north. interesting bus because it went through the west bank and stopped at a lot of settlement towns. Settlements are towns of Israelis who purposefully moved to the west bank. Here's what I noticed:

1. Ext high levels of security, even for Israel. These communities are almost always on top of hills (traditional places of defense). They have a secured gate that patrols who enters and leaves the community, and a lot of israelis soldiers. Essentially: they do not feel safe with their neighbors, which i get. If I were arab, and Israelis were trying to essentially colonize my land in the west bank I would be upset too.

2. Almost everyone I saw was traditional religious. The women covered their hair, the men had on traditional garb such as the black hats, kippot, and peyes (where their sideburns are awk long). Basically these communities are almost all ultraorthodox or haredim. Partly I think because they feel it is their religious duty to make Israel along the biblical boundaries, which include the west bank, and some very holy jewish sites there (including the tomb of many patriarchs/matriarchs).

3. Look exactly like Israeli towns in other parts of Israel. Nice upper middle class homes, parks, decent roads and sidewalks. Essentially: full services/better than most Israeli Bedouins get inside Israel.

I have a lot of problems with these settlements. Politically: they are a huge roadblock to peace, because they are Israelis essentially trying to colonize the land and claim it for Israel. Not cool. Additionally: the security needed for these towns comes from the army. Thus, they are a huge drain on security/on taxpayer money. Which I think is ridiculous for being outside 48 boundaries. Finally, I do not know this about the haredi in the west bank, but many haredim do not work. They study torah and live off of welfare. If that is the case here too: then not only are they a drain because of security, but also drain the welfare system for their lifestyle. Really makes me angry.

But: i'm glad i saw these towns, even for just a bit.

In the end, I got to Jerusalem. I had plans to go exploring with some couchsurfers, but it fell through. Which was okay. I wandered around, made it to the old city. I tried to go to the church of the holy spulchre, but i got lost in the soq. Next time I need to just ask. In the end I went to a musuem, talking about the history of jerusalem with some excavations. It was hard because I had all my stuff with me, and it was killin my shoulders.

In the end, I went and wandered around Jaffa and Ben Yehuda street. Met a cool older guy volunteering in Jerusalem for a year. Had dinner, bought some postcards, and took in what was before me. My observations:

1. Abnormally high number of religious people live in Jerusalem. Makes sense: they go where it's holiest. And that for jews, is Jerusalem
2. A lot of Americans. So much english. I felt very at home oddly
3. While arabs and Jews live in Jerusalem, they live very segregated lives. Somme parts are all arab, some parts are all jewish. Some mixing with shopping. that's it.

Well the thing about America was both comforting and odd. Because of sickness I have had a lot of time for self reflection and i feel so distant from America. Partly because christmas passed without any hubub, and i feel so disconnected from friends (even though we skype...when i harass you. someone should harass me about skyping). But also, America itself just feels foreign. which is weird. Like seeing the trailer for the new movie New Years. It's such an American movie, and that feels odd to me. Like somehow it no longer shows my experiences. Which is true: i am an american, but i'm in Israel living like a Bedouin. sort of. But it's just another stage of living abroad, and it makes me even more curious about how the transition will be when i go home.

The other thing I realized is time and how we truly measure it. It doesn't feel like the end of the year. It doesn't even feel like December for me. All my traditional markers: exams, winter break, channukah, christmas, all fell to the way side. We don't really understand time unless we have markers. Another way: next time you are in the car and not driving, find a way to lay down and look out the window where all you see is blue sky. When you stare at it long enough: you won't feel like you are moving. Why? you need objects to show change in place to tell you you are moving. It's similar with time, except we mark it with events, like holidays, rituals etc. And right now: i feel like im floating. It's not bad, but it's weird.

And yet, I DO miss those holidays. It was sad not being in NC for christmas. It was weird being too sick to try and celebrate channukah. I have said it before and i'll say it again: i miss having a jewish progressive community. People to celebrate the holidays with, to discuss torah with, to be jewish with. It's something that I realize is super important and will be a factor in choosing my next steps after my crazy travel in Israel.

Also: i'm not homeless in Jerusalem. I am actually staying with a client from Lakiya Weaving at her lovely home near the German Quarter (aka nice Anglo area of the city). She's a feminist therapist, her husband is a conservative rabbi, and they have 3 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 4 chickens. It's a fun house, and i'm looking forward to staying with them for Shabbat. I'll let you know how it goes: they keep shomer shabbas (aka strict shabbat, no work, no electricity, etc). They have english books so i'll be entertained.

alright. it's late here and I need to sleep. love you all and have a happy and healthy new year. and please: stop with the I'm gonna lose x lbs for new years. Focus instead on: i'm gonna eat vegetables 2x/day or something easier. Because you are beautiful as you are. Maybe you wanna be healthier? cool. But loosing weight does not equal healthier person.

anyways, getting off my soap box and into bed. lilah tov loves!
KAS

A beautiful moment

No picture could do the moment justice.

West of Lakiya are these beautiful hills with dirt tracks for cars/perfect for walking. After losing a few hours to the internet, I went for a walk in the hills. The sun was setting, and the world was a series of browns, oranges, pinks, purples, and dusty purples. I enjoyed the silence and a chance to be in nature, alone.

As the sun was setting, I returned back to the house. On my way, the call to prayer happened. With five mosques in Lakiya, they each have a muezzin, or someone that calls people to prayer. It sounded like a weaving of voices, natural rising together to become one large piece unintentionally.

As I arrived back at Khadra's I found the back door to the salon locked. I was about to knock when in the dim light of dusk I saw Khadra there, praying. Initially, I wanted only to be respectful and let her pray in peace. As I watched, I found her movements beautiful. Stand up, kneel, bow. Stand, kneel and bow. She wasn't praying with just her heart and mind, but also her whole body. The rhythms reminded me of dance, and at that instant I wondered what it would look like in Mecca during the Hajj with MILLIONS of Muslims simultaneously praying like that.

While I didn't want it to end, Riham saw me and opened the door. I was kind of creepy standing in the door way, not doing anything/hard to see in the darkness. But I'm grateful for that moment.

What moment took your breathe away today?
Much love,
KAS

Stories from the unrecognized villages

Part of my struggle with this blog is telling the stories of people I meet AND keeping you updated on my life. Today I will try and do both (again)

At Sidreh, we have a wonderful relationship with BYU in Jerusalem. Not only are they having an exhibition at their gallery of our carpets, but they also just generously gave us 1000 school kits to be distributed in schools in the unrecognized areas! Today, they came down to deliver these goods and help distribute them. I went along as the resident photographer (Hanan has my camera...photos will come up soon!).

What an experience. We were mostly rushing around all day because of time constraints with the truck. When we finally got a chance to sit and talk at the Alsira village, I was touched by the head of village, Khalil Alamour's, story.

First: unrecognized villages, as a reminder, have no government services. This includes, roads, water, electricity etc. Additionally, it also includes the threat of demolition of their homes. Khalil was kind enough to invite us to his house. They have an electric generator,solar panels and laid down their own pipes to distribute water in the village. They even have their own system to get wifi in the village. Like many Bedouins, he has his own chickens and turkeys to help provide food for the family/not rely too much on buying groceries. These small acts were acts of rebellion, showing that not only will they stay here, but also that they will sustain themselves.

Khalil then told us about their 6 year fight with the government over housing demolition. Recently, a court ruled that they could not demolish their houses, the first victory of its kind! He told us how his mother could finally sleep at night, because she no longer feared that soldiers would come the next day. To this day, Khalil has the sign, notifying the residents that their houses will be demolished. They don't use names on these forms: but numbers signifying each house.

I was impressed: his resilience, his courage, and determination to face such odds were incredible. They even used humor in the face of it all: creating their own signs for the village, and a mock warning sign (the traditional white triangle outlined in red) of houses being demolished. I'm happy that they no longer have to worry about their houses being demolished and hope that I too will have the courage to stand up for justice like them!

So: that was my day today. On a humourous note: still couldn't go anywhere without getting something to eat or drink. Even when we were rushing out and didn't have time to sit, they gave us drinks for the road! Very funny... and very Bedouin.

Also: OUR WEBSITE IS FINISHED!!! take a look at sidreh.org. We have a great catalog that shows a lot of our pieces and tells so much more about our organization. I'm so proud to have helped with it. If you have any comments/concerns about the website please let me know!

Much love,
KAS

Food, and the ongoing culture shift

Hello, Friends, family, and random strangers that stumble on my blog,

So: what's new in my life? fantastic question. thank you for asking.

`1. Bureaucracy. Went AGAIN to Beersheva to talk to the interior ministry. because my visa expires tomorrow and i still hadn't heard anything from the Jewish agency. They said they hadn't heard anything and wait for a phone call. I reminded them about how my visa expires. they shrugged. I wanted to laugh. In the states this would be  A BIG DEAL. but being an american jewish girl.... it isn't. so. we'll see what happens. *sigh*

2. I'm sick. head cold. colored mucus. not fun. tea. honey. lemon. salt. soup. also: biscuits with honey is delicious and makes my throat feel amazing

3. Still busy with work. Went to Jerusalem for a bazaar on Thursday. A slow day, but I think we made some good contacts for the future. Plus we might get some tourism out of it, so it wasn't a total waste. just a frickin long day. and this cold has taken my energy. blegh.

4. Getting geared up for sending holiday love back home. I won't say anymore: but you'll know when you get it.

Other things going on in life: clash of cultures continue! Basically here's what happens. I don't mind meeting people and being a guest. It's flattering, but I can't do it for like 3-4 hours. Most of the time in Lakiya, that seems to be the norm. You sit down, usually for tea. You chat, you stay for a meal, or a snack. And you really can't leave until you have eaten. It actually drives me nuts, for personal reasons.

I won't go into too much detail: but I have had a long and complicated relationship with food. Diets, emotional eating, social eating, it goes on and on. I don't really want to explain it here. What i do want to say is at this point in my life eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full is important for me. Additionally, I can't forbid or restrict foods: it takes me to a really negative place.

Normally,at Khadra's, it's really chill and I don't usually worry about it. When I'm at other people's houses, it becomes a totally different issue. Leaving without eating becomes an insult. And then they pressure you to eat a lot. I get it: food is still a big deal in their community. Many people 40s and up experienced hunger. But I can't explain my relationship to food to every house i go to, nor can i do it justice in Arabic. I try and strategically plan it now, but at times I get frustrated that it becomes impossible to leave someone's house.

Which is what I did today. I had to go over to my old host family: the Abd'ullahs, today to hand back a cord i accidentally took with me. I came around 1230, having a small snack before I went. We had tea, and then I went with them to the grandmother's house for a big family lunch. It was nice, I really enjoy that extended family, and it looks like I will start tutoring one of the kids in English! But after lunch, tea, and dessert, i was tired and ready to come back to Khadra's.

So, somethings still take adjusting to. I'm hoping to start putting up more photos. They aren't the best, but i'm going to try and start being more proactive in taking photos/having photos of me here as well (especially for you mom).

That's all. super tired. gonna hit the sack. Much love,
KAS

Rumination on photography and living to the fullest

Blah, computers. I had started writing this post, and BOOM. GONE. So annoying.

Anyways: back to the point of this blog post. Me ruminating about photos.

As you know... I didn't have a camera for the first two months I was here (dear god, where does time go?). I didn't really notice it (other than wishing I could show y'all photos of here). And now, that I have both my awesome fujifilm instant photo camera and the digital one, I've been thinking more about the importance of photos, memories, and how it relates to travel (there's a reason I went to william and mary...).

So let's give some back story on me and my less than enthusiastic photo taking. couple of reasons

1.  I forget to bring my camera with me
2. I forget to take photos. Caught in the moment of doing things
3. I feel awkward taking photos. Especially of strangers (which I love to do)
4.  I know way too many people that take too many photos
5. I am far more future focused than past

I think the last two the most important. We all know the obsessive photo takers. They take photos as you are leaving a place, entering a new one, need 5 group shots, and another 3 of you eating. It becomes exhausting, and you get very sick of the camera. Plus, it feels like you care more about preserving the present than LIVING IT. Ironic...

More fundamental to my personality: I have always been thinking about the next thing. It can be good: you don't worry so much about the past. mistakes, etc. But it definitely means I don't try and preserve some of these moments for the future. I will not always remember exactly what Lakiya looks like. And, I want to remember my time here. Perhaps not every moment, but some.

So I'm starting to take photos. I love the way people show up on my fujifilm camera (i'll hopefully get near a scanner soon to show more of them). Mom wants me to have photos of my daily life. With people taking photos of me all around. Perhaps I'll get around to doing some of that. We'll see....

I've also realized that taking photos can be a memory as well. I saw Ghadir and Emir this evening sitting and chatting on their bed (as they usually do) and i wanted to take a photo. Grabbed my fuji camera and took one. They of course, got interested... and a 15 photo shoot ensued. Initially, I was very guarded about my film (it's expensive! It goes so quickly!). But: if I don't use it: what's the point? And we had so much fun, I showed them how to use the camera (easy pt and shoot) and they loved watching them develop. Plus, I gave a few to them (i kept my favorites...). And we took some great ones. Ghadir is especially photogenic. I was able to take photos of a few pretty well. But hopefully I'll get the rest up later. here are some now: 
1. Ghadir
2. I really hope you know who that is.
3. You know who and Emir
if you guess Voldermort, I may actually use cruciatus curse. I had to look that up to make sure I used the right word for that. For those of you who are confused: Google.

Other highlights this week:

Went into Beersheva Thursday and met another couch surfer! Her name is Andrea, originally from Ecuador. She's really nice, and we went to a party/bar and I met some of her friends. It was nice to have a night out, and have a bit to drink.

As I was waiting for Andrea at one point on Friday, I had a conversation in Hebrew, which was remarkable since I don't speak Hebrew. Luckily... it was very basic. And I know Arabic. Still, amusing how much you can convey without language. or limited use. 

Saturday: what was supposed to be a lazy day turned into a mad rush to Sidreh because a group that supposedly spoke Arabic... didn't. Sigh. They were nice. And a group of Americans from the Embassy came down to shop. Left with two special orders, a wall hanging, couple pillows, and two smaller pieces. Basically: I sold around 6,000 shekles. That's like 1600 USD. I was proud of myself.

Sunday: Sidreh helped organize a protest for the Prevar plan (the one that threatens to move 30,000 + Bedouins from their homes to officially recognized Bedouin towns). Al Jazeera covered the protest. I didn't go because I had worked the day before. Thus I sat around all day on my computer.

It's true: I am addicted to my computer. I'm getting better... I think. I'm gonna go now and spend the rest of my night reading the 2nd book in the stieg larsson trilogy. And dream about learning Swedish to read more swedish crime novels. And talk to Alexander Skarsgard.

That's all folks. Much love as always,
KAS

I may fail 99 times,but I'll get it right the 100th time.

So another day in Lakiya. It was actually an exciting one: we had a team of designers from NYC. The high fashion, they wear their own design types. They were very sweet, and super interested in working with us in some of their future projects. Plus they bought some rugs, which is good in my books. Nevertheless, it kind of felt like project runway. Too bad Heidi Klum didn't come with them.

Yet when all was said and done, we left a bit late at 3 pm. and i was exhausted. As I have been for weeks coming back from Sidreh. Except now it feels more pronounced, and then I realized: it's about the time of year i get burnt out. This is when my dad says : how surprising! It's right about finals time when you ALWAYS felt this way.

I get it. ha. ha. ha. Katie does it again. And there's good reason

1. Work. Crazy busy, takes a lot out of me

2. Visas. trying to stay in a country, esp when you get mixed signals on how to move forward?? NOT FUN. (update: I have now gotten this fixed, and should be able to stay until mid may, really planning on being here til mid april and then peacing for the UK for a few weeks, wanted some flexibility in when I leave though)

3. Peace Corps. they want a lot of stuff. enough said. and i am...abroad. makes life difficult.

4. I am terrible at self-care.

And that my friends is the hardest part. I have a hard time switching off. I'm smart, and a good worker. I like getting things done. But the nature of life: there's always more to do. Sometimes you have to switch off. Take a break, drop out and recharge. And that is very difficult for me.

See: I'm an introvert. Not as in I'm shy, because I don't think I am most of the time. I'm an introvert in that I process my life internally. I need time alone, to contemplate, and reinvigorate myself. It's like I have a pool of water: overstimulation is like someone draining my pool, leaving me with less and less water to drink from. And that's a problem in the desert.

Before: I would power through, and recharge during breaks. This became less and less tenable as time went on, but mostly held true. I am now in the real world: i can't blame finals, and I don't have any breaks (that I know of) coming up. I can't pretend to be sick: I live with my boss (strange when you think about it, but it works).

Even worse, I would do activities that wouldn't make me feel better: junk food, internet, tv. Granted, I still love all 3, but when I am tired they don't soothe me.  I need to change it. So what do I do?

1.  doodle. (perhaps i'll post a photo or two later, I and Ghadir both like my doodles. She's 7 but I think she has good tastes)
2.  sing. preferably adele or mumford and sons.
3. dance
4.  write
5.  meditate

Meditation is actually my favorite. It's a total relaxer, and energizes me like nothing else. Almost better than napping. And today, it was even better, because i felt connected to the whole universe, and that the boundaries weren't really there.

Ok, sounds strange, and vaguely cliched but I believe we were meant to trust each other, and try to act from a place of love rather than fear. To see beyond the action to the reason behind it. I'm not perfect at it: I snap at people, I can still be fearful. I'm not saying to through precaution to the wind. Instead, I challenge myself to try and see the spark of the divine within each person. To start from a place of trust, instead of fear. Like Walid from Akko and Gandhi. While I can't describe it, Souza does by saying, 

Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as though no one can hear you,
Live as though heaven is on earth.

And this is how I believe we are meant to live. If I keep trying to explain, I'll never get it, and this post is long already. But I guess being abroad, and really connecting with myself shows me that I must choose this path, of honesty, of compassion, to come into my own, to be who I was meant to be. I don't think it will ever be easy, but perhaps one day I'll look back on this entry and realize that this wasn't the beginning or an end, but another important junction on my journey.

speaking of journeys: shout out to my amazing friend Meghan who sent me a CARE package. Full of: disposable cameras, spray cheese (which i have never eaten before), sun tan lotion and a book by e.e. cummings. It totally  made my day and I love the E.E. cummings book. And, since I seem to put no photos of my life here, I'm going to add a few below

1 and 2: my room, and all of my clothes. yes. that is basically all i have while here

3. what a bathroom looks like. if you look closely, you'll see it also includes a shower. there's no doors or anything, but the tiles around the shower are little lower and thus the water doesn't roam too much

4. Laundry machines are tiny here. so there's constantly laundry going.

5. A view of Lakiya

Enjoy! and much love,

KAS