Where did 5 1/2 months go? And Transitions

Good Evening Minions--I mean readers,

It's nearly time. I have two days left of work, and 3 1/2 days (because airports aren't really being in a country, but really transition hubs) left in Israel. It's strange. I have a lot of emotions about it. I'm ready for the next adventure, and I'm scared because I don't really know what that will be. I'm ready to leave Israel, but I will miss it. I'm ready to see friends and family but I worry about the reverse culture shock.

Things I will miss:

• My coworkers, and the few friends I have made here
• Fresh fruit and veggies (seriously. i had fresh kiwi the other day...it was so good)
• The flowers filling the fields, and random animals around town
• I can't help BUT learn Arabic here
• Falafel and kebab shops. Some of the best/cheapest falafel in the world is in my town. i will be so sad to leave it
• The opportunity to travel internationally (lets face it: unless i decide to work abroad again. Katie is gonna be a po po person)
• Knowing I have a job (I have some possibilities...but most things are in the air). 

Things I am excited for

• UK, Finally seeing St. Andrews, oh and ICELAND
• Being in the same time zone as friends and family. SO SO SO EXCITED
• My parent's wine cellar. 
• My animals
• Ridiculously long and luxurious baths
• Not having to eat meat anymore
•  Visiting friends at WM, USC, and roadtrips in general (i'm looking at you ohio peeps and i have another one for Disney World!)
• My car. Yes I believe in public transportation. But I look forward to my reunion with George (my car)
• My room. And not living out of a suitcase
• Buying a new computer
• Reconnecting with my Jewish community
• Moving onto my next "thing" whatever that is. 

   Things I'm nervous about

• Finally going to the Dentist (it's been awhile...and I haven't flossed)
• Losing my Arabic
• Disconnect with friends and family
• Finding a job at least for the summer 

Let me be honest: I think I'm mostly scared about the people. Everyone changes in 6 months, and god knows that after my experiences in Israel I feel like I've grown a lot. Not this: brand new me that you see in the movies etc. But I can't help but have changed some because of it. And when I feel like I need people the most to understand, I'm scared they won't.

A little background: I came back from India to one of the toughest periods of my life. A huge amount of fallout with friends...a terrible roommate. The last thing I want is to struggle when I come home. I'm tired. I need rest and emotional healing. I don't want to go through that again (then again who does want to deal with depression?) And I guess I'm scared that I won't have that space to recharge and think.

So to all of you out there. I'm going to be different when I get back. Be patient with me. And I apologize if I don't give you every detail of my life in Israel. I don't expect every detail of your last 6 months... and after the 10th person I'll probably have a schpiel. Try not to take it personally.

Stay Classy my lovely readers,
KAS

So this one time I went to Jordan...

Bonjourno amigos,

It's a beautiful sunny day here in Israel. Spring has come to Lakiya! Its still cold sometimes, but flowers are blooming, and it's lovely in the sunlight. Good times.

So, as my time here winds down, I decided to go to Petra, Jordan. I just HAD to go, especially since I was so close! Also, being in Israel and seeing the mountains of Jordan rise up in the east, my curiosity was always there. What was on the other side of those mountains? Answer: more mountains.

Here's how it happened. I met a german girl, Pia, while in Haifa. We went hiking with a mutual friend and one thing led to another and I invited her to go with me to Petra. And she said yes. So we booked a hostel, and planned to meet in Eilat on Friday and then cross the border, which went by without any issues.

This was my first time walking across a border. It was odd, open air, minimum security (Israel cares only when you ENTER the country). After getting scolded by an Israeli about my passport (it's not in the best shape) we crossed no problem. Grabbed an overpriced taxi and drove to Petra, another 2 hours. By then, it was a bit too late to go and see sites, so we wander around... and met two Bedouin guys.

They were Abdullah and Mahmoud or the alcoholic and chain smoker. They were flirty and pushy, and really had only one thing on their mind. It was funny, annoying, and sad all at the same time.  Funny because they were like high school boys. They tried to hard to show off (they pretended to know Japanese), buy us meals and tea etc etc. I could see through it, and it was funny to watch them keep trying and such.

Annoying because they didn't really see me as a person. My nos were never taken seriously (if so... you stop flirting). They didn't get that no i don't like to be fed by you. Or that maybe I didn't want to smoke/drink/etc. I kept saying no. They kept teasing me about saying no. That pissed me off the most. I was supposed to just smile and go along with everything. Because once again, a woman is meant to nod, smile, and be willing.  I compromised and didn't punch em.

You could say oh how sexist/antiquated the Bedouin are. I suppose they are to an extent, but you see it in the States too. I mean just look at our love of romance (women's nos aren't REALLY no, she just "doesn't know" what she wants). I could go on, but there will be more time for that later.

The only reason I hung out with them was to stay with Pia. But we ended up spending Friday evening with them and Saturday evening, and they drove us to the border on Sunday. They sort of worked in Tourism, but kept blowing it off to hang out with us. It didn't make much sense, but whatever.

It was sad because they weren't happy. Abdullah drank more than anyone I have ever met. He put away 500 ml of pure vodka. For breakfast. Mahmoud went through 3-4 packs of cigarettes a day. While Abdullah didn't talk about it as much, Mahmoud just wants to get out of Petra and go somewhere else. They use alcohol, cigarettes, and girls to distract themselves. It's quite sad. I couldn't help but think of Buddhism. People try to escape their problems with "pleasure" but really it doesn't help you, but kills you. But it's not my role to save them.

But Petra the place was gorgeous. Rocks of multiple colors swirling, and these amazing buildings carved from the stone.If you want to see some of my photos go here. It doesn't do the place justice, but it's a start. We spent a full day walking on Saturday (7:30-4:30) doing most of the sites, all the way to the end at the Monastery (lemme tell you: it's far) and the end of the world (also gorgeous). The next day we did two hours walking to the place of high sacrafice (they aren't lying when they say it's high up). We covered almost everything, but without a guide. We could have learned more, but it was nice to be outside with nature, and seeing such amazing things.

Fun side fact: Petra used to have hundreds of Bedouins living there. In the 1980s the government forced them to move. So now you have two towns next to Petra: the peasants (or farmers) town and the Bedouin town a bit further away. A few people still live there, but most left. Tourism does strange things to places. Everyone is pushing you to spend money, to do this or that. You aren't a person, you are a dollar bill. I hate it but I feel powerless to stop it as well.

So after that, I came back to Israel. it was a long day, and with all the buses i took, I didn't get back til 930 PM but i made it. I'm glad I went to Petra. It was a crazy weekend, but good at the same time. I have another 10 days in Israel working etc. I may finally go to the west bank this weekend. I may not. We'll see.

It's hard because I am trying to finish projects for work and feeling stymied too. Nothing really ends I suppose, but new things begin. I'm so ready to move on, and waiting for it is making me antsy. Hands are in too many pots. And honestly, I'm tired. I don't know if running around this weekend will really make me feel better.

Love to you all and more updates soon,
KAS

Change in Plans, and Moving Ice Mountains

Hello fans or forced readers (you choose),

So.... I have been totally lame at writing this. My b. A lot has happened lately, but for many reasons I just don't feel like it should go on this blog. If you know: you know and I love you so much. And if you don't, well don't worry about it. And no, it does not mean that I love you less.

Work has been interesting. We had some major electricity issues the past two weeks because of rain. Yes RAIN HAS COME TO ISRAEL. So no internet, no phones, it was a bit crazy. Of course, since my job is based around the internet (and because i don't know what to do with myself without it) i went kind of crazy. Luckily, I have a good singing voice so I could sing. Seriously: nothing is quite as fun as pretending to be Louie Armstrong (try it sometime)

To continue my weather report: It rained for like a week and I thought: am I in the burg again? No, because in williamsburg there's rain but we don't get giant amounts of mud because there are these things called trees. This is the desert. There are very few trees. But: plant life just suddenly appears post rains. The most gorgeous flowers: yellow, white, purple, and orange fill the free space. Goats and sheep are herded around town to feed (not kidding, the sheep were taking up one lane of the road: hilarious).Now that we have a bit of a break its beautiful outside.

Other thing: You can't complain about rain in Israel. Doesn't matter if you are in the North where it's wetter or the Negev (desert). Rain is so important and needed, that any rain is good rain. Even if you are soaked through your clothes. Don't complain ISRAEL NEEDS THE FRESHWATER.

I also have continued to travel: I went to Haifa again this past weekend. Met up with some other couchsurfers, went hiking, and just took it easy. It really took me til this weekend to realize how I felt "finished" with Israel. I'm sure there are more places to visit (such as Petra, which I hope to go to this weekend), but something inside of me just said: my journey here is done. And if I've learned anything in my time here it's that my gut is pretty damn smart. So it's time to go.

So, while I planned on staying through Passover, I realized I can't. I feel this need to leave. I haven't quite felt something like it before. I talked with my bosses, and they understand. So change of plans: I am going to the UK with work in early march. I'll be on a business trip (wow I sound cool) til the 12th. I will then travel around the UK til the 30th (any suggestions of where to go would appreciate it but I am def visiting London). And then... i AM FLYING TO ICELAND.

Katie, why are you going to Iceland? Fabulous question, thank you for asking. So, as I was talking to my parents about changing plans (mom is just excited i'm coming home a month earlier and making passover, but someone needs to sing on key with dad!) we booked me a ticket home. Iceland air is actually quite cheap, and they give you an option of doing an extended layover in Reykjavik (i think i spelled that right... who knows). So they asked if I wanted to, and I said OF COURSE.

Background note. I have had a strange ability to travel to most of the I countries in the world. Now I have done: Ireland, Italy, Israel, India, Indonesia and soon to add Iceland. The last official ones are Iran and Iraq.... Ivory Coast doesn't count because in Wikipedia it is Cote d'Ivoire.

So now... I am super excited about going. I have no idea what I'll do in either country...but i'll figure it out. I always do. Well I know few things
UK
-Edinburgh
-fried mars bar
-heart attack from fried mars bar
-See the rabbits at St. Andrews
-Pretend I am Catherine from Wutherine Heights when I see moors.
- Pretend I am not pretending to to be Catherine like every other girl at the moors
-See what Oxford is all about
- Go to London
- Spend all my money at the Globe theater
- Learn what it's like to be a pauper
- Write the new Oliver Twist

Iceland
-Learn how to pronounce Reykjavik
- Explore Reykjavik
-CLIMB A MOVING ICE MOUNTAIN (ok a a glacier but ice mountain sounds cooler). or something with Ice
- eat fish (?)
- learn some random icelandish words. and figure out what they call the icelandic language
- try not to sound like a dumb american
-try not to freeze to death. In april.

All humor aside: it's actually a bit overwhelming all of this. I need to go but I'm not ready. I will miss so many people. I told everyone yesterday the news and they were all saying: who's going to call you such pretty names as u?? And it's true: I don't think I will have many co workers calling me "my heart" "my life" etc. These are terms of endearment in Arabic. In all likelihood, I will never see these people again. And that's really really hard. Because they are amazing people. And writing this feels like saying goodbye.

There is a Buddhist meditation: you imagine something you love, like say a book, and you imagine it destroyed. Not because you are a masochist, but because all things end, and doing that helps you form a detachment from the article. To know that, though you love this book, you may not always have it. Thing is: I didn't realize how attached I was to this place until I get ready to leave. Ironic I suppose, but mostly bittersweet. But, I know for some reason, I just can't stay.

Am I excited to come back to the states? YES. But I am also nervous. Living abroad changes you. Not so much the Eat Pray Love cliche change (in some ways I suppose...) but in the cultural adaptations. I have adapted to being here. Saying thanks and please all the time... GAH SHOOT ME WHY? I use their hand motions. I am not patient in lines. My planning skills have been seriously diminished. My fear of guns in the open has been eradicated. I'm used to being in a cafe and not understanding the conversations next to me.

These are all tiny little things, but when I go home: it's not gonna be a picnic. I'll be so happy to see all of you. But it will be an adjustment. I will constantly talk about people you don't know. I will be excited by seemingly trivial things. I will be tired of explaining other things/perhaps offended at seemingly banal but really ridiculous questions (like no i didn't live in a tent. please DON'T ASK THAT). I won't be the same girl I was 6 months ago. And you won't be the same either, and perhaps that will be hard for me too. I'm nervous, because I don't really know what my reaction will be to being home. I'll find out soon enough I suppose.

Until then: I am trying to get those last minute things in: going to Petra, perhaps finally visiting the west bank (terrible... i know). Finishing up projects for work. Moving to my last house while I'm here. And deal with the emotions of leaving/applying for things in the future. So... yeah a lot. But if I have learned anything while being here, it's that emotions while strong and can really affect me, are temporary. I now have the awareness that they can affect my perception, but I choose my reality (call it what you will, but it has some truth!).

I'll try to keep you updated. But a lot of what is going on with me is emotional. And I love talking it out with friends, but it's hard when all I can say is  I am x, y, or z emotion. And it wouldn't make for a very good blog post....

whew. what. a. post. thanks for sticking it out with me! Love you all, and I'll hopefully write soon

xoxo,
KAS
 

Because I am still alive... if you were wondering

Shalom y'all,

So... new blog post. I felt a need to write this, although I am not sure where it will go, so bear with me today. I am stuck at the house for reasons I will explain, but for now UPDATE.

First: what have I been doing. Multiple choice test
a) injuring my foot
b) going to Tel Aviv
c) eating maklouba
d) seeing the movie warhorse
e) all of the above

did you guess e? GOOD JOB! A+! I did do all of that. So first. the foot.

As most of you know, I love working out. I love sweating, pushing myself, and feeling so damn strong after a workout. Recently, as I am kind of stuck with indoor workouts, I became obsessed with bodyrock (bodyrock.tv if you are interested). Only problem: I was using very very old shoes. And I am lazy about 1) going out to shop and 2) forking over a 100+ dollars for shoes.

My body however, did not like this. and decided enough was enough. So one morning about a week and half ago, my right leg was on fire when I walked on it. Immediately I thought "shin splints" even though i've never had them. Smart. So I stopped
walking
my circuit training (did do pushups and floor stuff...but no weight on the foot)

this had ramifications. Since I do not have a car or bike... i must rely on other people for rides. Let me tell you now: its a pain in the ass. People forget about me. Tutoring now is not just two hours, but four since i have to sit around waiting for rides. And I have a huge guilt trip b/c it feels like im inconveniencing people. But... I can't walk. If i could I would. And I will when I can (soon. its getting better!).

Other slight problem, my host family doesn't feel comfortable going into the Elsaneh family area. Something about interfamily violence. *sigh* no one else seems to understand it. So i can't get rides from them. It's frustrating, but I suppose I have to learn to rely on others too. gerrr.

Still, I went to Tel Aviv. I had a meeting for work and decided to stay. How did I get around with my foot? RENTED BICYCLES. awesomeness barely covers it. So it went well. I got my hair cut, new shoes, and stayed with my friend Lauren for the weekend. It was very chill and exactly what I wanted. I enjoy Tel Aviv a lot and it a long with Haifa would be places I could totally live in.

So food. So. much. Maklouba. One week I think I had it 3-4 times. It's great...but gah, sometimes a girl needs a break! Food has been a big issue for me because of my history of negativity with food. I'm just going to have to stand up and say thank you but no, i'm fine. some people will be upset, but i can say it's a cultural thing. i hope. The emotions I go through with feeling guilty after overeating/out of control aren't worth it at all. And I have to take care of myself. Intuitive eating is crucial for me not just physically, but mentally too.

Another break I took was to go see warhorse. By took I mean I was picked up from tutoring (before I knew about these family issues and the family still drove me) and they (the two eldest sons and their half brother) were going to the movies. Did I want to come? Seeing as I hadn't been to the movies...I said fuck it! Let's do it! And we saw warhorse. which was good. Strangeness: israeli movie theaters give you a five min break in the middle. for all the tiny bladder ppl: go to israel to see a movie. or just see them at home and save your money.

That's the main update. Crazy mental update: I have only 2 1/2 months left. EEEEEEEEP. i guess i need to start looking at plane tickets for coming home. So strange to think that's happening. Like how i thought about coming here. When you realize it's going to be a REALITY, it's hard to fathom. for so long it's been floating far and away, unrealistically.

To be fair, 2 1/2 months is a long time. Long enough for me to go to the UK in March and back. Long enough to do a few more trips, celebrate passover, and even complete another big project or two for work. I don't even plan on going home til the beginning of May.

It's also weird becasue I'm mentally preparing for the next steps. Preparing for leaving here. Preparing for work next year (Peace Corps interview next week!!! and I applied to a stateside jewish year long service program too. I like being poor and doing meaningful things. I also love canned beans which helps too)

So my to do list before I leave Israel
1. get healthy
2. go to petra
3. Visit the Kineret (which i sort of did)
4. Go to the West Bank (Ramallah, Bethlehem and maybe Nablus?)
5. Visit Haifa again
6. Figure out my way home (haha it's going to happen, but in case you were worried)

i'm sure i'll do some other things too. Will keep ya posted.
Love yall ooodles. Have a glass of wine for me! And a
~KAS